Consequences(168)

Tony led her to the sofa in front of the fire. Wearing a soft bathrobe she sat in front of him and leaned her head on his t-shirt covered chest as they both faced the fire. The beat of his heart and the sound of his breathing echoed in her ears. The fire radiated warmth and his skin the aroma of exercise. She felt safe and secure—but at the same time—she had the feeling of living in a house of glass. The security could crash into broken pieces at any second. He asked her what she was thinking; she answered and he didn’t respond for a long period. She was apprehensive to turn and see into his eyes.


Finally, he spoke again. “Perhaps I’m afraid of losing you, afraid if you truly know me you won’t want to stay with me.”

She wasn’t sure, but due to his voice and breathing, she wondered if he was having difficulty staying composed. She wanted to alleviate his discomfort, tell him it was okay—he didn’t need to say anything else. She didn’t turn around as she spoke, “Tony, I’m pretty sure I know you—I’m also sure I’m still here.”

“Because, you haven’t had the opportunity to leave.” His arms were tenderly wrapped around her.

She caressed them gently with her small hands. “No—not because of that—and not because of the gifts—or the trips—or the money—I’m still here because I made a commitment to you. I did that in Central Park and again in our home—because I love you and want to be with you.”

He hugged her. “Mrs. Rawlings—I love you too. I want to trust you more and be less controlling—what I don’t want is to ever hurt you like I did—if you’re kept safely away from the world, there’s less of a chance that anything will happen which could cause me to react as I did before.”

“I used to feel that way—like I wanted to stay here and not risk the chance of upsetting you. I do not want to upset you, but Tony—that isn’t a life. Having me home waiting for you because I have no choice—and having me home waiting for you—because I want to be—are two totally different things”—she waited but he didn’t respond, so she continued—“If you would trust me, I’ll do my best to follow your rules. I’ll discuss things with you prior to doing them. I’ll check with you before I go anywhere. I understand the importance of appearances and the significance of consequences. I don’t want to upset you—I do want the opportunity to upset you.” Claire decided this conversation was easier without looking into his eyes. She could imagine small black irises with large velvet borders; however, she was certain her imagination and reality differed.

“Tell me what you want. What freedoms have I taken, that you’d like returned?”

She told herself, here is your chance, respond appropriately. “I’d like access to my own invitations. I won’t accept or decline without speaking with you, but I would like the knowledge there are other people out there who care about me. I’d like to be able to speak to my sister without being afraid you won’t let me—or be upset by my conversation. I’d like the ability to leave the estate—just because, and again, it wouldn’t happen without your consent—but just to know I can”—she listened to his breathing, the only alteration occurred when she mentioned Emily—“And I’d like you to be able to contact me directly about our evening plans—not to be told by Catherine. It makes me feel juvenile.” She’d done what she could; she’d been as honest as she could. Now, she exhaled and relaxed against his sturdy chest. She couldn’t think of anything else to say—she’d wait.