Coming Home(148)

She turned then and gathered her things before walking carefully toward the door. As she passed Danny, she placed her hand on his arm, giving him a feeble squeeze before she continued out into the hall.

And still, he didn’t move.

He couldn’t. Not before he memorized all of Bryan’s facial expressions. Not before he committed the images to memory. Not before he was sure he could preserve the exactitude of each and every one. He couldn’t let them fade away this time.

Because now, there’d be no way to get them back.



Leah held on to Catherine’s arm as they walked her through the side yard toward her house with Danny supporting her on the other side. She had cried silently on the drive home, the tears trickling discreetly down her face. Every so often she would lift her hand to dab at them with a tissue, but otherwise she didn’t move.

Leah had checked the rearview mirror frequently throughout the drive, but this time Danny wasn’t looking for her. He wasn’t looking for anything. He sat with his forehead on the window—his glassy, bloodshot eyes staring without seeing at whatever was passing by.

As soon as they parked in Catherine’s driveway though, he seemed to snap out of it. His expression was guarded, his voice detached, but he was moving and functioning as he took care of Catherine, helping her out of the car while whispering reassuring words to her.

They helped her into the house, and Danny put on a pot of tea as Leah helped her change out of her clothes. The doctor had prescribed her a small script of sleeping pills for the next few days, and as soon as they all sat down with their mugs, she was asking for one.

Leah could remember that desperate desire for sleep, the need to disappear into a world that offered some type of reprieve from reality, or better yet, a world where—if you were lucky—you would have the good fortune of seeing the person you missed more than anything. She used to dream of her mother often when she was younger, to the point that sometimes she’d have her pajamas on before dinner was even on the table, anticipating the moment she could close her eyes and find her.

Danny spent a few minutes reading the label of the pills, checking the warnings and the drug interactions. Leah could see he wasn’t thrilled with the idea of giving them to her, but she also knew that he’d move a mountain with his bare hands right now if she asked him to.

He wasn’t going to deny her, no matter how much he disapproved.

They sat with her after she had taken the pill, and when she started to fade, Danny lifted her up like a child, carrying her to her bedroom and tucking her in.

When he came out of her room a minute later, Leah looked up from where she was rinsing their teacups in the sink. His eyes found hers, holding them.

She turned off the water before drying her hands on the towel. “Hey,” she said softly.

He slid his hands in his pockets, leaning against the doorjamb of Catherine’s room. “Hey.”

Leah tossed the towel over the drain board. “Is she sleeping?”

He nodded.

She stepped out of the tiny kitchen, stopping just inside the living room, and the way he was looking at her made her feel like someone had punched a hole in her chest.

God, she remembered that hurt.

She remembered the feeling of being so lost, she thought she’d never find her way again. The feeling that things were always going to be this bad.

That she was going to spend the rest of her life trying to be whole again.

She wanted to tell him it wasn’t true. That eventually, the hurt lessens. That one day he’d be able to think of Bryan and smile instead of curling up in a ball to ward off the ache. That while he’d never get this piece of himself back again, he’d find other pieces to counteract the pain and make it manageable.