Come to Me Quietly(46)

Jared tilted his face away as if he didn’t want me to see his confessions waiting there. He wavered before he spoke. “Sex is like fighting for me, Aly. It’s a release, nothing more. I use girls just as shamelessly as Christopher does. Maybe in a different way. I don’t know, but in the end, it’s the same… It means nothing.”



I winced. Jealousy was not a pretty emotion. But it hit me hard. I’d grown so accustomed to this place that was ours that it’d become easy to imagine that this was all either of us had ever known… just the quiet of my room and the steady beat of our hearts.

In it, nothing else existed.

But Jared had known so much, so much pain, so much loss.

He’d known girls and what it felt like to be touched.

Was it wrong that I wanted that, too?

Pushing past our boundaries, I let my fingers climb up his chest and over one of his shoulders. Sinewy muscle jumped under my hands, beckoned me forward just as assuredly as they fought to resist my exploration.

I held my breath when I reached the bare skin of his neck. Every inch of my body lit, flames licking through my veins and blazing in my stomach. Shivers coursed over the surface of my skin.

How was it possible that one person could affect me this way?

I glanced up at his face. Turbulent blue eyes stared down at me. In them I felt a range of emotions, a warning, an appeal. Anger and affection. Most of all, I saw fear.

Tentatively, I dropped my gaze and watched as my fingers trailed down over his shoulder and traced the ink on his left arm. This arm was covered in blacks and grays, twisted shapes and faces that screamed his horrors. On the inside of his wrist was scripted Lest I forget.

Jared shuddered as if the contact caused him physical pain. But he didn’t pull away, and he released a stuttered breath across my face.

“Were you scared when they sent you away?” The question came so softly I thought perhaps I’d only uttered it in my head.

Still it sucked all the air from the room.

Frozen, Jared remained still, a million emotions spilling from his silence, before he finally spoke. “I was pissed, Aly.” He grunted through the words. “It wasn’t supposed to turn out like that. I thought I’d finally found a way to pay for what I’d done, and I managed to f*ck that up, too.”



Chills crawled along the surface of my skin. Jared had just confirmed my greatest fear. All these years I’d tried to convince myself otherwise, that there was no chance Jared would have tried to take his own life. Asked myself, How could he? Convinced myself I’d just misunderstood because it seemed impossible to believe.

And to know he’d been angry that he’d failed?

Confusion and hurt and fear saturated my spirit because I couldn’t help worrying he’d try again.

I tried to swallow the lump wedged in the middle of my throat. “Maybe it turned out the way it was really supposed to be.”



Hard laughter rocked from his chest. “Nothing turns out the way it’s supposed to, Aly. And even if it did, I would only ruin it. You need to remember that. I warned you that you’d regret doing this… .” His fingers twisted deeper in my hair and he shifted to palm my neck with the other hand. He squeezed to emphasize our friendship, so hard it almost hurt. But it was my heart that hurt.

“How could I regret you?” I brought my hands to his face, held them there, gave in to the smolder singeing my skin. “I missed you, Jared. So much. They sent you away, and I thought I’d never see you again. Do you know how much that hurt?”