Chasing Abby(15)

I slide the box off the shelf and I’m surprised by how heavy it is. Brian is the one in charge of taking the pictures out of the safe-deposit box and putting them in this box. I did have a slight crush on Chris Knight eighteen years ago, so I thought it would be best if Brian handled this part. Though, I never told him why. Even eighteen years later, I’m still not sure how I’ll feel when I see these pictures. But I need to look at them before Abby does. I need to make sure there are no objectionable photos in here.
I place the box in the master bathroom, then I unlock the master bedroom door. Racing back to the bathroom, I lock the door behind me. I turn the cold water on in the shower, then I sit on the toilet and place the box in my lap. Abby’s in the bathroom down the hall, getting ready to go to school. This is my only opportunity to do this before Brian leaves for work.
I lift the lid on the box and the first photo is of Claire Knight holding Abby in that conference room more than seventeen years ago. I didn’t know they had taken photos of Abby while they were in there. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
I take a few breaths to calm myself, then I flip to the next photo in the stack. My heart races when I see another picture from that meeting in the conference room, but this one is with Abby and Chris. They’re both smiling as she reaches for his mouth. She has his brown eyes, the feature of her appearance that made her question why she doesn’t look like Brian or me.
I set the pictures back in the box and replace the lid. I can’t do this. Brian will have to return the photos to the safe-deposit box without me. I don’t have the strength to look through these hundreds of pictures while suffering such feelings of inadequacy.
We’ll never be as young or wealthy or good looking as the Knights. And I know it’s ridiculous to envy a woman who obviously has emotional issues after dealing with the suicide of her mother, but I do. I envy Claire. I don’t know how she got Chris to forgive her after she gave Abigail up for adoption without his knowledge. All I know is that this adoption nearly broke Brian and me more times than I can count. I won’t allow a box of photos to deliver the final blow.



AMY RIDES HOME with Caleb and me after school. An April storm swooped in while we were in third period. The smell of the rain and the sound of the drops tapping on the vinyl convertible top is soothing after a long day of fake smiles. Amy and Caleb are the only people who know about the significance of today’s date. Everyone at school was wishing me a happy eighteenth birthday, completely oblivious as to how unhappy today actually is.
I haven’t told Caleb or Amy, but I’ve already made my decision about opening the safe-deposit box.
Caleb pulls into the driveway, next to my dad’s silver pickup truck, and turns off the engine. The silence that follows brings a smile to my face. They’re both waiting for direction from me.
“Let’s go. I’m sure my mom is pacing the living room, waiting for me to walk through the front door.”
Caleb laughs, but Amy shakes her head. Her wavy brown hair is damp at the ends from the rain and the light freckles on her nose are showing through her makeup, but she still looks great. My makeup is probably all gone. 
“Is your mom going to freak out?”
I push the passenger door open and a few raindrops fall on my arm. “Amy, this is my mom. Of course she’s going to freak out… on the inside. On the outside, she’ll pretend like everything is okay.”
Caleb grabs my shoulder as we stroll up the front walk, then he gives it a soft squeeze. “Whatever you choose is the right choice. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.”
I smile and, for some reason, the $4,000 guitar lying in his trunk comes to mind. Of course Caleb thinks that whatever I choose is the right choice. He thinks I’m so special I actually deserve a $4,000 guitar. I could probably run away tonight and Caleb would tell me I made the right choice. Of course, if I ran away tonight I’d probably end up spending the night with Caleb at the apartment he shares with his twenty-three-year-old roommate. So that’s a bit obvious.