Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(56)

“Why are you always shaking your head at me?’

He strokes up and down my arm, over the curve of my shoulder. “Am I?”

“Yep.”

“Perhaps it’s because you frustrate me.”

“You barely know me, how do I frustrate you?” I don’t know if I feel hurt that he thinks this or happy that I have at least some kind of effect on him. Do I want to have some kind of effect on him? God I don’t know, I don’t know anything where he’s concerned. My life might be a mess right now but it’s a mess I have control over and that’s the way I want it to stay. I don’t want my emotions roller-coastering all over the place; in fact, I don’t think I’m ready for emotions of any kind in my life right now. I’ve survived the last few years without them and I think that I’ll manage without them for the next few.

“You frustrate me because you so obviously put on a front; I wish you would just be yourself, at least for me.”

“Why, why does it matter who, or what I am around you?” He twirls my hair around his fingers, it’s such a simple thing but for me, so intimate.

Yes I’ve had sex with men, ten of them in fact, over the last six months and some would say that’s the ultimate act of intimacy, but not for me. For me, it was a cold and unfeeling act of power and control. I rarely let them kiss me, I gave them the best sex they’d ever had but just that, they got no part of me whatsoever. I didn’t hold hands with them, unless they took mine and left me with no choice, I didn’t stroke or lick or suck. I just f*cked, but I did it so well that they couldn’t get enough, just so that I could hear them say those three little words then have the pleasure of walking away, but this, him playing with my hair like this, was so much more intimate to me than anything else I’d experienced in the last six months. It was the most intimate thing I’d done with any man since Sean!

“Because I like you Kitten, I like you a lot and I want to get to know you, the real you, not the spitting, clawing alley cat you seem to want people to think that you are, and the first thing I want to know is what’s made you like this? Who did this to you? What did they do… hmm?” He raises his eyebrows at me like he’s actually waiting for an answer, well f*ck that, I’m not spilling my guts to him so that I can get the pitying look I’ve got from everyone else these past five years.

“I need to go home; I’ll get my Dad to arrange for my car to be towed tomorrow.” I move to slide off of his lap.

“Don’t go, don’t run away Georgia, stay and talk to me.” He holds me in his lap, his hands on my hips, his eyes looking right into mine, through mine, into me and I have to go, I can’t have him seeing through me, into me, to the real me, I can’t.

“I need to go Cam, please let me go.” He shakes his bloody head at me again.

“You’re shaking your head.”

“Coz you’re frustrating the f*ck out of me. Would you have had sex with me, earlier, before little limp dick went all mental and started smashing things up? If we hadn’t been interrupted, would you’ve let me f*ck you?” My cheeks burn with embarrassment at the thought of my earlier behaviour, I shake my head very slightly.

“No Cam, you wouldn’t have f*cked me… but I might have f*cked you.” He lets out a deep breath, almost a hiss, through his teeth.

“Get your stuff, I’ll take you home and don’t worry about your car, I’ve got someone coming for it now, I’ll get it fixed up for you.”

“You don’t have to do that, it’s my own fault, I behaved badly, and I got what I deserved.”