Calmly, Carefully, Completely(50)

“I saw him watching you at the pool.” Dad heaves a sigh. “He looks at you like I look at your mother.” He tips her chin up so that her eyes meet his. “I saw her and I knew she was completely out of my league, but I wanted her more than I ever wanted anything.” He looks at me. “And that’s how Pete looks at you. That’s what scares me, Reagan. Not that he’s a thug or that he’s poor or that he’s been in prison. He looks at you like he never wants to stop looking at you. I’d probably like him more if he was just trying to get in your pants, because that’s something you can get over. But a man loving you, that’s completely different. You’re not ready for it.” He shrugs his shoulders. “You’re just not.”

He may as well have stuck a knife in my chest. “How do you know what I’m ready for?” I ask.

“I saw what that * did to you, Reagan,” he says. He slams his fist down on the kitchen counter, making the dishes jump. And me, too. “I saw you walking around here, jumping at shadows, wrapping yourself in a protective bubble so no one else could hurt you. You learned how to protect your body, but no one ever taught you to protect your heart.” He pounds his fist against his chest. “You’re unprepared for what Pete wants. Completely unprepared.”

“What do you want me to do?” I ask. I can barely hear myself, but Dad hears me.

“Stop it before it’s too late,” he spits out. “Just stop it.”

“Okay,” I breathe. “You win.” I turn and walk out of the room.

I just met him two days ago. Why do I even feel like my soul already knows him intimately? I don’t understand it, either. Maybe Dad’s right.





Pete



I try not to look at her all through dinner. She sits with her brother and her mother, and her dad isn’t here. Her mother motions with her hand for me to come and join them, but I shake my head and focus on my meal.

“Why aren’t you with Reagan?” Tic Tac asks as he sits down beside me.

I shrug my shoulders. I don’t even have the right words to describe it. “What’s your name, man?” I ask.

He smiles. “Edward.”

“People call you Eddie?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Only one man ever called me Eddie, and I shot him when I caught him raping my little sister.” He avoids my gaze. “So I wouldn’t advise calling me that.” He grins. “Call me shithead or whatever else you want, but don’t call me Eddie.”

“Was he your dad?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Just some man my mom married.” He looks off into the distance, as though he’s seeing something in his mind instead of what’s all around us. “I shot him,” he says. He makes that little pfffttt sound with his mouth like he did on the bus when he first spoke to me.

Wow. I don’t even know how to respond to that. “How’s your sister doing?” I ask. I think about Reagan and how I found her. And I don’t even want to know about his sister.

“She was only eleven,” he whispers. “Eleven f*cking years old.”

I shouldn’t have judged this kid when I met him. “I’m so sorry,” I say.

“It pisses me off because he stole what she could have been, you know?”

I nod, but no, I don’t know.

“Does she live with your mom, now?” I ask.

“No,” he replies. “She’s in the system. My mom got arrested, too. Drugs, I think, right after it happened.” He shrugs. “She’s better off with a nice family.” His eyes get bright. “They said I can visit her when I get out. It’s only for an hour a time and I can’t be alone with her, but that’s all right. I just need to be sure she’s okay.”