Calmly, Carefully, Completely(24)

I take a deep, cleansing breath. “Matt’s treatment was expensive. I couldn’t think of any other way to help him.”

He nods. It’s a slow up and down movement of his head. He doesn’t look at me or say anything.

“You don’t know what it’s like to know your brother’s going to die and there’s nothing you can f*cking do to help him.” I force myself to unclench my fists again.

“No, I don’t,” he admits. “Did you do drugs, too? Or just deal them?”

I snort. “Paul would lay into me like nothing you ever saw if I even thought about doing drugs.”

“I think I like Paul,” he says. He finally looks at me and smiles. “It sounds like you have a pretty good support system for when you go home.” He rubs his hands together quickly. “Five more days!”

I smile. “Five days,” I repeat.

“Can I make a suggestion?” he says.

“Like I could stop you,” I mutter.

He grins. “True.” He pauses for a minute. “Don’t be afraid to make plans, Pete,” he says. “Make lots of plans. Because it’s only when you don’t have any plans that you’ll forget where you’re headed. Write them down. Make them real. Then go for them. Follow through.”

I nod. “Okay.” I look down at the tracking bracelet that’s on my ankle. “While we’re here, am I free? Can I walk around and go places by myself?”

He nods. “I’ll know where you are if I need to find you. But yes, you can consider yourself free.” He coughs into his closed fist. “Just be careful with Reagan,” he warns. He holds up a hand when I start to protest. “You’re twenty-one years old. And you’ve been in jail for two years. And I’m guessing you gave up your V card a long time ago.” He clears his throat. “Just remember that there’s more to it than the pleasure of the moment.”

Now I want to f*ck with him. “Do tell, Dr. Phil.”

“Life’s not about the moments of pleasure you, yourself, can experience. It’s about the pleasurable moments you share with someone else that really matter.”

Shit. That was pretty profound. “Yes, sir,” I say.

“What happened to your dad, Pete?” he asks.

“He left after our mom died.”

“He missed out on something pretty f*cking great with you, kid,” he says. “He could have stayed and experienced all those missed moments with you and your brothers, and his life would have been richer for it.”

“My life was fine.” I doubt it would have been different if he’d stayed. Paul would have still taken care of us. He always has.

“Moments of pleasure you can give to someone else,” he says, tapping his forehead. “Ask yourself before you do it who’s going to benefit.”

“Yes, sir.”

He points toward the big house. “Speaking of moments,” he says, grinning. “At this moment, someone is sneaking out to the barn.” He squeezes my knee as he gets up. “You’re welcome,” he says with a laugh as he walks away.

I look toward the barn and see a female form walking quickly toward the big building in the distance. I look around. The camp is quiet, and everyone is in bed. I watch her as she slides through an open door and closes it behind her.

I wonder if she could use some company.





Reagan



I try not to look toward the fire as I sneak out to the barn. I know Pete’s still sitting there, and he’s not alone. There are two males in profile, and I don’t know who the second one is. I pat my leg so that my Maggie will follow me. She’s old and can’t see as well as she once did, but I feel safe in the dark with her. She wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, and I love that about her. I don’t have to worry about anyone walking up behind me and me not knowing.