CROSS (A Gentry Boys Novella)(40)

“Go home and do that shit in your mother’s pillowcase,” he snarled before pushing me out of the way. As soon as he shut the door I heard a colossal fart and a loud groan.

Benji Carson had his head buried in the guts of a classic Mustang. He looked up when I cleared my throat.

“You okay, kid?” he asked.

I could have made something up, a stomachache or other personal issue. But I hated to lie to Mr. Carson. I’d already burned too much karma lately with the people in my life.

“I’ve got something I really need to take care of,” I said. “I swear I’ll be back in an hour.”

Mr. Carson mulled it over. “You’re off the clock while you’re gone.”

“I know.”

He shrugged and turned back to the car. “Have at it then. One hour?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you.”

If I’d had my phone I would have called them both with an apology but my phone was still somewhere on the sludgy floor of the Main Street canal. Anyway, I owed both Erin and Stone face-to-face apologies. Plus I hadn’t yet told Stone about our mother’s confession and he deserved to know. It seemed like once I told him it would somehow take the weight off of knowing it myself.

As I jogged through the back shortcuts toward home I felt better already. The echo of my mother’s poisonous words did not sting as much.

She thought I was shit.

So what?

I wasn’t shit. After all, the triplets had grown up knowing they were Benton’s sons and they’d managed to evolve into good men. I could do that too. I could be just like them someday; self-reliant and honest. And just like them I could keep my brother as my best friend and go home to my lady every night. There couldn’t be a girl other than Erin in that role. I didn’t care that we were young or that it was impractical. I was ready to promise to spend forever with her.

It took me almost twenty minutes to make it back to my street. I’d have to hurry this along if I was going to keep my promise to Carson. Stone would be easy. An apology and an awkward man hug would put us back on track.

Since I’d forgotten my keys back at the garage I headed for the side door, figuring it was more likely to be unlocked than the front door. The outer screen usually let out a rusty screech but it was propped open, leaving only the interior door, which didn’t make a sound.

The kitchen was empty. My mother would be at work but Stone should be around. I didn’t get more than two steps before I heard voices. I stopped. There was a burst of female giggling.

“Stone!” Erin laughed.

I couldn’t hear what came next. Soft murmurs. I followed them, my mouth dry, my heart pounding. I didn’t want to see what was in the living room. My feet took me there anyway.

She was on her back. Her sweatshirt had been discarded on the floor and Erin, the epitome of modesty, was lounging on my living room couch wearing only a white tank top with no apparent bra. Stone, bare-chested and disheveled, was leaning over her. He gently kissed her forehead and the world exploded. If they’d been totally naked and humping their ever-loving brains out it probably would have hurt a little less. But seeing them so close, so intimate, in a way that was much more than lust, was a f*cking dagger straight through the center of my soul.

“Damn you,” I choked out and two shocked faces turned on me. “Damn you both to hell!”

Erin let out a cry of anguish as Stone jumped to his feet. He came to me with his arms out, saying my name over and over but I kept backing out the way I had come. I couldn’t be near him. Or her. There were no thoughts of violence in my head, no desire for revenge. There was only the cruel grip of betrayal squeezing my heart.

“Conway!” Erin screamed. “Come back!”

I didn’t come back. I ran, breaking the kitchen door from its hinges as I tore it open to get away. I had to. I had to get away. I ran all the way back to Carson’s garage and promptly vomited into the break room sink.

Later, much later, when I could stand the thought, I would wonder how different things would have been if I just would have stayed, if I just would have faced them instead of running. I would have screamed in their faces. They would have been full of denial or apology. We all would have cried and maybe wounded one another even more as we shouted and begged and accused and threw things. It would have been the hour of the rawest hurt of my nightmares. Instead I ran because right then I couldn’t bear to do anything else.

So that’s my crime. That’s my cowardly role in this terrible heartbreak.

But how could I have known what would happen next?

No, never once did I imagine how close we stood to a perilous ledge.

It never occurred to me that we were all about to fall.





CHAPTER FIFTEEN


ERIN



Stone looked at me. I looked at him. There was no room for tears, or even words. I knew my face must be a mirror of the grief I saw in Stone’s.

Conway thought we had betrayed him.

He thought he’d caught us in the act and who could blame him? The way he’d looked at us…such agony. I’d never seen him so shattered.

There was noise in the room. It hurt to listen to it. I covered my ears because it was hurting me. It wasn’t until Stone came to my side and pulled my hands away that I realized the noise was a long, wailing moan that came from my own throat.