Bury Me(24)

I can’t even be happy about the beautiful comment or that he liked spending time with me. I’m too busy being stuck on the fact that I was a huge snob. I was mean and I was a snob.

“And so you just naturally assumed I was faking a brain injury so I wouldn’t have to own up to treating you like a human being for the first time in two years,” I reply sarcastically. “That’s just wonderful.”

He takes a step toward me and he’s so close that I have to crane my neck to look up at him. His eyes are the most gorgeous shade of blue I’ve ever seen and I have a hard time looking away from them. I feel like I’ve waited my whole life for someone to look at me like I mean something to them and it makes my stomach churn and fills me with anger that I never got what I deserved. I deserved a good life, I deserved to be loved, and it’s not fair that the only thing I ever got was pain.

That thought…those words ringing in my head are so familiar that it makes my chest ache. I know those thoughts are true and something I believe with all of my heart. Something I cried and screamed and raged about for so long that it became my mantra, my way of life, and something I knew I would spend the rest of my life feeling because there would never be any escape from the pain.

I take a step away from Nolan and close my eyes, trying to picture myself saying these things. Trying to envision my surroundings and what would make me feel so desolate, but all I see is the darkness behind my eyelids.

“If it makes you feel any better, I definitely prefer the way you look right now,” Nolan says softly as I reopen my eyes to look at him.

“And how is that?” I whisper.

He shrugs, sliding his hands back into his pockets. “You look like you. Not like you’re trying to be someone else.”

It’s the most perfect thing he could have said to me right now and it gives me hope that I’m not crazy for feeling off whenever I look in the mirror. Since Nolan seems to have no problem being honest with me even if what he has to say brings him some embarrassment, I move on to one last question.

“How well do you know Ike Jenson?”

Nolan flinches at the mention of Ike’s name.

“He’s been here since I started, keeps to himself a lot. Why?” Nolan asks, one of his hands coming up to rub the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

“My father mentioned something about how he hasn’t been to work in a few days and I wondered if that was typical for him.”

His eyes narrow and he cocks his head to the side while he thinks about what I’ve said. “You know, now that you mention it, he hasn’t been here since the day you got hurt. I’ve been so busy around here that I didn’t even think about it until you said something.”

I don’t believe in coincidences. Especially after remembering the conversation I overheard with Ike and my father that night. I start walking away from Nolan, my mind already moving in hyper-speed as I plan what to do next.

Nolan grabs onto my hips to stop me, turning my body back around to face him. For just one moment I wish I could be a normal teenager and appreciate the man holding onto me, flirt with him, and enjoy the moment. Unfortunately, I’m not a normal girl, and I’m pretty sure I never will be.

“If he comes back, stay away from him, Ravenna. That guy is bad news,” Nolan warns.

I laugh as I step away from him once more, missing the comfort of his hands on my body as soon as they fall away.

“Funny, that’s exactly what my father said about you.”

I walk away from him without another word and he lets me go this time. As I make my way back to the prison alone, I step through the doors feeling a little better than I did when I ran out of them earlier.

“My name is Ravenna Duskin. I’m eighteen years old, I live in a prison, and I’m finished being the girl my parents want me to be.”





Chapter 9





Stop fighting, stop splashing, just go under and let go.

The water churns angrily with each uncoordinated swipe of an arm, trying to reach for something to help, something to grab ahold of, but it’s no use. There’s nothing that will help, nothing that will save you.

Just go under. It will all be over soon if you just go under.

The cold water covers chin, mouth, nose, wide, frightened eyes and then…gone.

That’s it, disappear, go away, everyone will be happier if you just go away. Don’t listen to the screams and the shouts because they won’t get here in time. They won’t be able to take the pain away; they’ve NEVER been able to take the pain away. It will be so much better if you don’t exist.