Burnt Devotion (Imdalind, #5)(41)

“Can’t you bind his memory, his heart, something to make it so I can get him from point A to point B without a massacre falling on my head?” Ilyan’s eyes widened at my question, his distaste in memory binds shining through.

I knew he hated them as much as the next person. It had taken sheer bribery to get him to perform one on me, but I really didn’t see how we had an option here.

It was bind him so tightly that he barely knew who he was and what was around him or risk him turning on me before we reached the cave.

I wasn’t very good at fighting people when the sole intent was supposed to be on keeping them alive.

Killing, yes.

Restraint, no.

I would make a terrible police officer.

Ilyan locked eyes with me as Ryland’s whimpers continued below us. His hands wrapped around his brother’s as he began to plea for help, for assistance, for Ilyan to take it all away.

The sound was so similar to how Cail used to plea with me on especially bad nights that it broke me.

“If you won’t, Ilyan, I will.” My voice was hard again, a fact Ilyan obviously noticed. His lip twitched a bit before he stared me hard in the eye.

“And hold onto him all the way to Vitoria?” Of course, he would bring up my inability to keep the block on him without contact.

“There isn’t another choice, Ilyan. If we don’t do this, he will attack us. He will turn on us. I don’t want any more innocent blood on my hands.” Both Ilyan and Sain flinched at my comment, but I plowed on, unwilling to give in quite yet. “You heard Sain, if we don’t leave soon, we will all die. This isn’t a question of morality anymore. It’s a question of survival.”

Ilyan didn’t look away from me, but luckily for him, I was stubborn enough for the two of us. The hard stares beat neither of us down. That was, until Ryland began to cry, one word seeping from his lips on repeat as his soul flaked away and left him open and raw and dangerous between us.

“Please.”

Ilyan’s eyes pinched shut as he moved to run his hand through his hair, his resolve failing as he looked away from me in defeat. “You’re right.” He said nothing more, but it was enough. I would probably never hear something like that from him again, so I locked it away and turned to Sain as Ilyan began whispering to his brother about what was going to happen.

I didn’t need to hear this. I had lived it, after all, and the old man seemed just as uninterested as I did.

“We’ll need to move as quickly as possible,” I began, my voice a whisper so as not to interrupt Ilyan and Ryland’s powwow. “I know we talked about you taking Dramin before, but I want you with Ryland.”

“Ryland?” Sain’s chest puffed up at the suggestion, the action making him look like an explosive puffer fish. I was torn between laughter and fear at the image, my body settling for tense muscles as I tried not to laugh. “I need to travel with my son. I need to protect him.”

The tension in my shoulders only grew at his comment. All thought of a laugh was gone as he once again played favorites. I knew I shouldn’t care. After all, Jos and Sain really didn’t know each other. Hell, I didn’t even know Sain. However, Jos was my best friend, and how he treated her was so similar to how Timothy preferred Cail over me. It was like watching re-runs of the partridge family, except with magic and sights and people dying.

I exhaled, not really wanting to get in a death match this close to the actual death match, and stood as tall as I could before him. I was fully aware that I wasn’t even close to tall enough to make this as ominous as I needed it to be. I also wasn’t going to unleash my prowess on my best friend’s dad.

Ew.

I guessed some teenaged things had stuck with me.

“I understand that, Sain”—I was trying to be diplomatic, yet I was not sure it worked—“but you can calm Ryland down quicker than anyone. That will be more important to all of us. Thom can keep Dramin safe because, if this doesn’t work, and Ryland still erupts, I doubt you would be able to save your son then.”

Sain’s face whitened to a shade so pale I was sure he was going to be sick. Then his teeth clenched in what I wasn’t certain was irritation or stomach issues. I waited, every part of me tied in knots as the reality of what we were about to face sunk into me, my magic prickling in both eager anticipation and cold-hearted fear.

I knew as well as everyone in this room that we all might not make it to the cave, as much of a sanctuary that it seemed to be.

Sain nodded in agreement as Ilyan stood, and we didn’t wait. We swept Ryland from the kitchen without another word.

While what we were about to venture into seemed a little bit more of a possibility now, it was anything but a sure thing.

I only hoped the bind was enough to keep Ryland safe.

To keep me from killing him.





Ten


There couldn’t have been a worse time to tell her about my past. Not now as we faced each other in the middle of the courtyard, moments away from running into the forest, into battle. Yet, I wanted to.

I wanted to spill everything as we stood under the jagged edges of the lightning that cut across the sky, pleading with her not to run into that forest, not to die, while knowing neither she nor I had a choice. The battle was here. She would go in one direction with Ilyan, and I would go in the other with the invalids. We couldn’t stop it.