Burnt Devotion (Imdalind, #5)(12)
Window. Hands. Table. Window.
Kill.
Yes.
“Let me kill her!” I tried to fight the men again, but their grip only increased, the pressure of their hands strong as they pulled me across the floor. The table skidded away from us on its own as my back was pressed into a cold wall.
Lights flickered around us in green and grey as their magic detonated, the room full of dark, haunted shadows, though streaked with the bright white flashes of lightning that plagued this part of Spain for whatever reason.
While, to anyone else, the lights and colors would have been frightening, to me, they were the only familiar thing I knew. They were the identical green hue of the dungeon I had been kept in for so long, the dim glow of my imprisonment, the glow that only came when things were safe.
Like now.
I stared at the light as my eyes dodged through the room. The shadowed space was so familiar that it panged inside of me. The knowledge of missing something with so much pain attached to it was surreal. I supposed it made sense, however, since it was the only thing I had known for months, the only thing I knew for sure was real.
What are you waiting for?
You saw her.
The dirty Drak.
No, she’s not.
The words seeped through my mind, my own surprise growing that I had fought back, that something inside of me still wanted to defeat my father’s torture. I still wanted control over who I was.
She doesn’t love you anymore.
She said so herself.
“No … Nonononono … No … no…” Words seeped from me the same as they always had. The hands that held me in place loosened slightly as I clawed at my hair, pulling at the blood soaked curls in an attempt to escape the madness. Pain ran over my scalp with each tug, the pressure giving me something else to focus on.
My focus darted from the stone floor to Sain as he came around to face me. His familiar face stared at me with the same kindness, understanding, and sympathy I had always known from him.
Except, there were no bars between us, only the dull, green glow of his magic.
I stared at him from behind my scarred and filthy arms, from behind the blood that dripped from my hair. I gazed at the only familiar thing, wishing it was enough to drown out the demons my father had infected me with.
Kill him, too.
Kill Sain?
Kill them all.
No.
“Ryland, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Sain’s voice was calm, low, insightful. It was like he was going to begin the State of the Union at any time.
I almost expected it.
I only wished the calm was enough to chase the demons away. It had been … once.
Don’t wait.
You saw her eyes.
Black, dead eyes.
You need to find her.
My heart rate sped up at his voice, my father’s rumbling scorn only growing from where it was trapped inside of me. Panic and desperation leaked into me with each syllable, my body twitching and convulsing as I tried to cover my ears, knowing it would be pointless. I knew I could never get away from it.
My focus moved from the aged face of the man to the pale, dreaded man I recognized at once as Thom, the brother I neither knew existed nor had seen until a few days ago. From Thom to the table to the wall to the window to the empty fireplace.
Thom. Table. Wall…
Do it now.
“I need … Kill…” I tried to keep the words from me, but they seeped out, anyway. They oozed from me like the poison that infiltrated me.
“No, Ryland,” I heard him say, but it did no good.
Kill.
“Kill.” I slammed my back into the wall.
Kill.
“Kill.” I slammed my head into the stone.
Kill.
“Kill.”
“No, Ryland,” Sain soothed again, the way he always had.
His voice was only enough to pull me out of the words, if not the movement. I still rocked myself into the stone, the heavy thumps of pressure feeling comforting somehow.
“You don’t want that.”
Table. Window. Fireplace. Thom.
Go!
“If I can’t have her,” I growled as I rocked, “then no one can.”
“You don’t mean that, Ryland.”
“Need … Now.”
Now.
“Now.”
Now.
“Now. Kill.”
Kill.
“Ryland,” Sain whispered.
My focus darted right back over to him, my body jerking at the thunderous roar that broke from the sky before my focus began darting around once before going back to him. Although I tried to keep my focus on him, it was hard. It was hard to control my body, hard to control my mind.
“They are nowhere near here. The blade is nowhere near here. You are safe.”
You are never safe.
But, he said…
Never.
Not from me.
“You are safe,” Sain repeated as if he could hear the battle raging within me.
Safe.
The foreign word that my heart clung to like a lifeline pulled me out of the frantic motions and right back to the man who hovered before me, his dark green eyes plunging into me like an anchor, one I clung to with all my might. It was another thing I knew, something else my father couldn’t quite take away.
I stared at him, my eyes focusing for the first time as I rejoiced in what I knew at once to be freedom, to be safety. The panicked breathing slowed as he looked at me, his hand pressing against my bicep in a firm reminder of the reality we were in.