Broken(66)

His gaze slid over her, seeming to take in every detail, from the pleats in her denim skirt to the top button of her blouse that had come undone. She imagined he could even read her deepest emotions, dissecting them and stripping her bare. Jocelyn wrapped her arms around her body, a sudden shyness taking over.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded, not daring to speak, not sure if she was able to in that moment. So many nights, she’d dreamt of being in his arms again and now, her fantasies were soon to be reality. But could she follow through? This is Cade. He won’t hurt you. He’s not like them. This is the man you love.

Cade moved close enough for her to feel the warmth of his breath. “You can tell me to stop at anytime, Jocelyn. We don’t have to do this. I’ll understand, if you want to change your mind.”

“I want this, too.”

“You’re trembling.”

“I guess this isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.”

“Then let’s go back to the living room and relax. We’ll watch some television and talk.”

Shaking her head, she sent him a plea from the heart. “No. I want you to make love to me.”

“But, you’re obviously having reservations. We don’t have to do something you’re not completely comfortable with.”

“Don’t you want me?”

Cade raked his fingers through his hair. “More than you could know. I’ve thought of nothing else but holding you again since your return. Sweetheart, I love you and I want you, but I also know you’ve experienced a considerable trauma, and it—it’s hurt like hell knowing you had to suffer alone. That you felt…” He lowered his head and turned away from her, but not before she glimpsed his unshed tears in his eyes.

Closing the distance between them, Jocelyn wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her head against his back. “Don’t you see? That’s why I need you tonight. I want to wipe out all the hurt and ugliness of the past and create a new memory with you. I want to know what it’s like to be held and loved. I want remember how good it felt to be in your arms. It scares the hell out of me that I may not be able to feel the pleasure we once shared, but at least after tonight, I’ll know for sure. This way if I can’t, I mean if I’m incapable of—”

Cade pulled out of her hold and turned around to face her so swiftly, Jocelyn took two steps back. His eyes turned a shade of blue so dark they were nearly black. Blood rushed to his face, giving him an almost demonic look. “Don’t say it.”

“But, we have to consider the possibility. I may be incapable of completely enjoying myself. Sex is an important aspect of a relationship and you should be with someone you can have a normal—”

“Dammit, Jocelyn, would you stop it! If I wanted to marry someone for a convenient f*ck, I would have done it a long time ago, but you happen to be the only woman I want. When will you get it through your thick skull. I love you and you alone. If we don’t have sex for the rest of our lives, I’m okay with it because I’d have you. You, Jocelyn.”

His sincerity was unmistakable, but she couldn’t put him through a sexless marriage. She raised her chin with a determined stubbornness she wouldn’t allow him to break through. “Then make love to me.”

“Jos…”

“Please.”

He expelled a deep breath from his nostrils, his mouth tightened. For a moment, she thought he’d walk away. Finally he nodded. “Are you sure about this?” He practically growled the words.

“Very sure.”