Broken(54)

He grasped her chin with his thumb and index finger and gently tilted her head until they were looking into each other’s eyes. “Since you’ve been home, I’ve been fighting my feelings for you, avoiding you when I could, but I’ve still seen you around. I know how you visit Aunt Earlene every day and talk over coffee and that you’re planning on designing a dress for her for the wedding. I’m not really big on fashion, but I understand your stuff doesn’t come cheap. Aunt Earlene has talked of nothing else. I also know how you visit old Smokey every day with a carrot. Oh, yeah, he remembers you, too. I know how you get up early to help your father with some of his chores. I’ve seen you around the ranch and you certainly don’t carry the air of a woman who hates this place. Admit it. You still love the ranch.”

“Okay,” she exploded, swinging her head out of his grasp. “I do love this ranch. I miss it, but it doesn’t mean I feel the same way about you.”

“Jos, give it up. When our song played at the Drunken Lizard, I thought I was imagining that look you gave me, but now I’m positive I didn’t. You still love me. I only wish you’d admit it, because I never stopped loving you. I’ve fought against it, tried to occupy myself with other women, but I’ve always found something lacking in all of them. They weren’t you.”

As humiliating as it was, she’d have to play her ace in the hole. Only then would he fully understand why they could never have a future.

“So you still love me?”

“More than life, Jocelyn. Why do you think I’ve been hurting so damn much when you refused to come back to the ranch for all those years?”

“And would you like to marry me?”

“In a heartbeat.”

“And raise a family?”

“Of course.”

“That’s too bad, Cade, because I can’t have children or at least my chances are slim to nil. What do you think about that? How do you like them apples? I’m not a whole woman. And you would be better off walking out the door right now and forgetting about me.”

His eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed.

Jocelyn looked away from him again, unable to take any scorn that might enter his expression.

“Did those animals do that to you?” Though Kyla had already told him as much, it still didn’t seem real to him until he’d heard the pain-laced words from Jocelyn’s lips. Even now he still tried to make sense of it all.

His softly spoken words made her flinch. She didn’t want his compassion. She wanted him to leave and not prolong this anguish ripping her apart.

“Did they, Jocelyn?”

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“I see.”

Jocelyn fully expected him to leave her then, but instead she found herself engulfed inside his arms. Cade rested his face against her hair. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.”

She pushed against his chest in an attempt to break free. “No, Cade. Please let me go.”

“Never. Once was enough, and you’re going to have to accept it.”

“Stop—”

“Loving you? Tried it, but I couldn’t do it.” His hold tightened around her. “If you have to cry, or vent, let it out, but I’ll be damned if I let you go again.”

Jocelyn made the mistake of meeting his gaze. The sincerity and love swimming within the depth of his eyes was her undoing. She’d thought she’d cried her last tear when she’d confessed what happened to her father, but it was like a dam bursting within her. Sobs made her body shudder and shake as tears ran from her eyes.