Broken(53)

“Don’t.”

He took another step closer, stopping far enough away to be non-threatening but close enough to wreak havoc on her peace of mind. “I’m not going to walk away from this, Jocelyn. I made that mistake seven years ago, but I’m not going to repeat it. I should have known you were lying to me, should have insisted something wasn’t right, but I didn’t listen to my instincts.” Cade picked up a knick knack and hurled it across the room, making Jocelyn flinch. “Sorry about that. I’ll replace it, but shit, I should have known.”

“That was the point. I didn’t want you to know the truth. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, and I especially don’t want you to feel obligated to be with me.” She turned her back to him, squeezing her eyes shut and willing him to go away. When she saw Kyla again, Jocelyn planned on giving her friend a piece of her mind and then some. How could she betray her secret?

Strong hands fell on her shoulders and forcibly turned her around. “Don’t turn away from me dammit! I’m feeling a lot of things right now, but pity and obligation aren’t any of them. If anything, I want to strangle you for doing this to yourself, to us. How could you not come to me when something so terrible happened? Who were these bastards? Tell me where they are.” His face colored to a deep shade of red in his fury.

“Even if I knew their names or where to find them, I wouldn’t tell you. It would change nothing.”

“The hell it wouldn’t! I’d have the satisfaction of ripping those motherf*ckers to shreds for doing this to you. If only I had known.” His voice grew hoarse with emotion and his blue eyes looked suspiciously moist.

She had to get rid of him somehow, make him go away, for his own good. The last thing she wanted was to sentence him to a life of bitterness and regret. If she did cave and allow him into her heart again, he’d eventually come to resent her for the things she couldn’t give him. He probably wouldn’t say anything but she’d see it in his eyes and soon Cade would come to hate her. Jocelyn knew part of her would die because of it.

When she’d made Cade believe those lies about her, in her mind it was better that he hate her for something she could control rather than something she couldn’t.

In a desperate move, she shoved him away from her with all her might. “Get away from me, Cade. So what if you know. It doesn’t change things. I don’t want you. As a matter of fact, I can’t wait until this wedding is over so I can leave this place. God, it’s boring and do you honestly think I could love a man with such a small town mentality? Do you think I could ever settle for living out in the middle of nowhere when I know what the big world has to offer? No thanks.”

“Why you… “ He advanced on her, his fists clenched at his sides and nostrils flaring, before halting mid-stride. “No. That’s what you want me to believe, don’t you? You still want me to think you’re a heartless, shallow bitch. It’s not going to work this time, Jos. Not when I know the truth. Even now you’re trying to push me away because you think you’re doing me some big favor. But the truth is, if you send me away again, my life wouldn’t be worth a damn without you nor would yours without me.”

She shook her head. “No. You’re reading more into things than there are. I don’t lo—”

“You’re lying, Jocelyn. Do you know how I know?”

She lowered her head, refusing to meet his gaze. It would have been so easy for her to fall into his strong arms and declare her love for him, but fear and shame held her immobile. She had no right to love Cade.