Breathe In (Just Breathe, #1)(35)

Another indistinguishable sound gradually becomes more apparent as it grows louder and the ringing in my ears subsides. It’s the engine of a car. My brain finally starts to put the fuzzy pieces of evidence together. I must have fallen asleep in the back seat. A familiar smell creeps into my nose that reassures me — my mother’s perfume.

“Mom?” my throat squeezes out in a raw, breathy, hoarse tone.

“We’re almost home, dear,” her voice replies in a low sluggish tone.

I internally smile at her comforting words, though her voice sounds peculiar.

A sudden rush of nervousness enters my belly. The car feels as if it’s flying down the road like a rocket ship as the speed of the flashing lights zooming above my head all blur into one.

“Mom,” I try to shout, but not a single sound escapes my mouth this time. Confused, I try again. “Mom!”

She doesn’t hear me. I don’t hear me.

A single, bright white light races towards us, growing larger by the second. My mother turns her head towards me smiling. Why doesn’t she hear me? How does she not see the light?

Again, with all my might. “Mom . . . !” my voice trails in my head like a deafening siren, stabbing my ears like a knife.

Time stops in this very moment. I can see everything with perfect clarity as I stare in horror into my mother’s eyes. My mouth is left open, still screaming without a sound. I can’t hear anything except a piercing ring that echoes in my body. Why can’t she hear me? Why doesn’t she see the terrified look on my face?

My body lurches backward as I attempt to scramble to grab my mother and I suddenly become paralyzed. Then, it happens all at once — I see the face of the truck driver before I hear the sound of metal hitting metal as it wraps itself around and around. Maggie? I watch my parents’ bodies hurling forward toward the oncoming truck, bouncing around like ping pong balls, getting dented with each blow.

My heart is filled with terror as I desperately try to yell one more time, “Mom . . . !”

Jerking up, I shout out in horror. My heart is pounding, my lungs are heaving and my entire body is shaking.

“Emma?! Emma, are you alright?” Maggie searches for the light next to the bed as Jared and Nathan barge into the room in response to my screams.

Sadie is whimpering and scrambling to comfort me as well.

Wrapping his arms around me, Jared pulls me into his chest, draping my legs across his lap like a parent would for their child, “It’s okay Emma. It’s okay.” Jared’s actions are routine from the years of us living together.

Nathan sits across from me, stroking my hair while Maggie presses her forehead into my back. Sadie wedges herself between Nathan and me, placing her head on my leg as Jared rocks us gently back and forth while repeating his soothing words, “It’s okay, Emma. It’s okay.”

My body trembles as I recount the nightmare to myself. The vision has always been the same until now and my mind is disturbed by the image of Maggie’s face as the truck driver. I bury my face into Jared’s chest and shake my head, trying to rid the pictures from my memory. The tears just keep flowing as I keep seeing in my head the image of Maggie driving the truck.

I must have passed out over time because I wake with all five of us spread out a little on the bed and to the sound of Jared, Nathan and Maggie talking softly.

“Has it always been like this,” Nathan whispers with a shaky voice.

“No,” Jared answers with fear. “It hasn’t been like this in a long time.”

Jared has experienced the brunt of my nightmares since we met. It took months before I stopped waking up screaming from them. He’s the only one I’ve told what I see.

“I’ve never seen her this bad,” Maggie adds cautiously with a shaky tone.

“I thought they weren’t this bad anymore. She had one a few weeks ago, the morning of our meeting, but she seemed fine when I got there. I’m not sure why they’re happening again. She’s gone months without having them,” Jared discloses as he pulls me in tighter.

“What’s causing them to come back?” Nathan searches.

“I honestly don’t know,” Jared admits with a sniff like he’s been crying. “How was she last night when you two went to bed?”


Pausing to think, Maggie responds, “Fine. Like normal. Nothing different.”

I can feel Jared nod his response. I’m not sure why I’m having them either and I hope they don’t ask when I finally let them know I’m awake.

I wait for what feels like ten minutes later before shifting like I’m waking up. “Since when are you guys into an orgy?” I say with my best fake groggy morning voice.

I feel Jared breathe in and out as some tension in his body releases.

“Only if they’re all men,” he replies with strained emotion.

Maggie and I chuckle when I hear what sounds like a slap on skin. Nathan must have hit Jared for his comment.

Before letting them question me, I ask, “What time is it?”

“It’s just after six,” Maggie answers with her perky, soft voice.

She’s clearly happy to hear me joking.

“I’ve got to feed Sadie,” I continue, rising and trying to move on from earlier.

Jared catches my eye and I know he’s not convinced by my little act, though Maggie and Nathan buy into it. I can tell Jared is hesitating to say anything for which I’m very grateful. If we’re going to have a discussion, I don’t want to do it now, let alone in front of Maggie and Nathan. I’ve always been able to talk to Jared about this. It’s not easy, but it’s easier than with anyone else.