Breathe In (Just Breathe, #1)(118)

While we are in a small, shallow hallway, the boat rocks hard enough, forcing us to collide. Joe steadies us up against the wall, pressing himself into me. We stay connected, drinking in the sight, smell and contact of our bodies. Seeing a chance, Joe kisses me and I willingly accept. As if we have all of the time in the world, our mouths leisurely dance on and around each other's. Softly, carefully, tenderly, we explore with our lips and tongues. His right hand sturdies us while his left caresses my cheek, chin and neck. Altering his feet, Joe pulls away and rests his body against the other wall. We exchange a glance or two before he cajoles me to move closer with his hands on my hips. Missing the closeness, I press myself against him as I run my hands up his chest and around his neck, returning my lips to his. Joe’s hands slide around my waist, drawing me closer.

“Excuse me, Mr. Covelli,” a voice uncomfortably mutters from my left.

I immediately break physical contact with Joe.

“My apologies. I need to get into that room,” one of the boat crew members informs, pointing to a door on the other side of us.

Shock and surprise swell inside of me like a swarm of bees. I completely forgot where we were. Embarrassed, I rush past the crew member and up a flight of stairs to the deck with Sadie on my heels. Joe finds me a minute later standing on one side of the boat. The soothing touch of his hand up and down my back titillates me at my very core, but does little to relax my stiffness. He sense my uneasiness and settles his hands on my shoulders, massaging them same way he did the other night on the beach.

Once the boat docks in Maui, we head back to the suite to wash up and change. I hang out with Sadie on the patio under the porch and Joe joins us on the other lounge chair as the three of us wait for our friends. We’ve scheduled a private dinner in the suit for our last night, so we read, talk and play with Sadie to pass the time.

Just as the sun starts to set, all eight of us are relaxing on the patio while the chef and his staff prepare the meal in the kitchenette. We laugh. We joke. We play card games as we eat and drink into the night.

Nathan purposefully sits next to me the majority of the time, trying to make amends for last night. He repeatedly apologizes, feeling bad at not remember what had all happened since he had so much to drink. I know Nathan loves me and was just kidding around, that’s what he, Jared, Maggie and I do, which is why I can’t stay mad at him for very long. The challenging part for me is when there are other people around. Usually he’s good about it in public, but I can sense that he sees Joe and Henry as part of our circle already, and Jimmy and Allen seem to be adding to the mix as well. I’m not fond of this group getting bigger.

Nathan knows a good deal about me and my past from Jared; how much from my past, I’m not entirely sure. Jared and him didn’t meet until just before the night Maggie and I lost our virginity, and it took a while before Jared included him in our outings. Nathan wasn’t there for the brunt of my first few years in California like Maggie and Jared, and over time he learned more about me. Nathan is family now, but it took a lot of time. It takes a lot of time for me to let anyone in.

I head inside to grab more drinks and snacks for everyone and Nathan follows me to assist.

Almost finished with the drinks, Nathan comments, “You know, you are going to need to open up more for these guys like you did with me.”

“Why? What are you talking about?”

I’m not sure where he’s going with that statement.

“They’re family now, especially with Maggie and Henry getting . . . .”

Hurt and scared by his words, my voice cracks as I cut him off. “They are not family. You, Jared and Maggie are family. Maggie’s family is family. That’s it. That’s my family. The rest of them are not my family and never will be.” I turn to get away and find Joe entering the dining room. My eyes immediately dart away, not wanting to explain myself. As I circle all the way around to head to my room, I see Maggie already out of the restroom. My heart stops as a knot forms in my throat. I know that Maggie heard me by the look on her face.


I dash past Maggie slamming my bedroom door behind me. Like last night, I close my room off, not letting anyone in. I’m ashamed that Maggie now knows how I feel. I’m embarrassed by my outburst. I’m humiliated that I just ruined Maggie’s celebration weekend. I’m mortified by it all. Panic, fear and sadness surround my heart and soul. Why did you have to say anything, Emma? Why couldn’t you just not say anything?

A light knock on the door snaps me from my self-bashing.

“Emma? Emma, please let me in,” Maggie calmly pleas.

I can’t face her. I know I can’t face her. Not now.

“Please, Emma. It’s just me,” she mentions. “I’m going to stand here until you let me in,” she sternly commands.

She knows how to get to me. I carefully unlock the door and crack it open an inch or two.

“There you are,” comments a smiling Maggie.

I look away as a tear falls down my face.

“Come on. Let me in,” she directs politely.

Looking beyond her, I check to make sure no one else is lurking. I take a step back, let her enter and lock the door. Before I turn all the way around to face her. Maggie throws her arms around me which catches me off guard.

“I’m sorry, Emma. I didn’t realize how this would affect you,” she announces.

“I’m fine. I over reacted and I’m sorry I’m ruining your vacation,” I reply, fighting back tears.