Bound for Me (Be for Me #4)(68)

Is that was this was—the ‘moment’, like where he was going to say sorry? Say nice things? Like really nice things?

She didn’t want to think that. Couldn’t. Because if it wasn’t, that was going to hurt just too much.

But her glare lost all impact. His blue eyes were so sharp, so true—her own focus was sealed inside. Her heart skittered so quick she could hardly breathe.

“You need to say it, because you’re the one who needs to believe it.” The good-humor in his expression died, his voice dropped, leaving only seriousness and intensity. “Yet you can’t. Why is that?”

“I’m…” Now she’d looked into his eyes, she couldn’t look away.

Damn him he was so unfairly handsome, so strong and right now one hundred percent there. With. Her.

And he was waiting, watching… she could almost feel him willing her.

She licked her lips. “I’m…”

She couldn’t do it.

“You’re scared,” he answered for her in a whisper. “You’re afraid I’ll let you down. Because I already have. I turned on you.”

He had. He’d been vicious. And now it flooded—hurt anger. She tore her gaze from his.

But in that second, he spoke. Fast.

“I was a jerk. Worse than a jerk. I was an arrogant butthead. I went all kinds of crazy. I was pathetic. I was…” he trailed off and released another big sigh.

Another part of Savannah’s heart melted. She quickly folded her arms across her chest, squeezing tightly. She wasn’t going to go totally soft just yet. “Don’t stop there. Go ahead and beat yourself up some more.”

“Smartass.” His smile flashed. Rueful. Irresistible. “I’m trying to apologize.”

“Then just apologize.” She shrugged—as if she didn’t care?

Who was she kidding.

“Will you accept my apology?” He unfastened his seatbelt and leaned towards her, closing the gap between them. “Are you open to listening to me?”

She made a show of checking her wrist. “My next meeting’s not for another five minutes. Go ahead but make it snappy.”

He half-laughed and leaned closer still. “High-speed Savannah—”

“Uh uh.” She held up her palm to stop him reaching out to touch her. “I’m listening. That’s all.”

He froze in position. “Okay, Sugar.” He paused, then spoke again, words tripping out fast. “You know my family is a f*ck-up. If we didn’t win, we got nothing but cold criticism. The only way to get attention was to come top in something Dad valued. Everything was performance based. And I bought into it. I was only a kid. After the accident, it was only by showing an interest in Summerhill itself that I finally got his approval. Learning the business. And Dad was tough. If I wasn’t a success, then I’d get nothing. Have nothing. Be nothing. But I didn’t want to be like him—screwing around and screwing up. I didn’t want to risk anything. I saw what happened to Logan with all his lovers. So I didn’t fool around. I worked. I thought I had it sorted. I thought I was Summerhill perfect. But you were right. I was arrogant as f*ck, iced up inside, acting like a machine.”

He paused, drew breath. Sighed. “But you know that mountain meant everything to me. It was dangerous and beautiful and the challenge of my life. Until you.” Speaking slower now, he reached out and touched a few strands of her hair, running his fingers the length of it. “You arrived. Dangerous and beautiful and the absolute challenge of my life. And you had no idea who I was. I looked a mess, was tired and grumpy. But you wanted me anyway. It wasn’t ’til you found out who I was that you decided you weren’t going to be interested. But despite me being your ‘enemy’, you still wanted me. Me. And the more time I had with you. The more I wanted.”

Savannah sat still as still, to scared to breathe in case she missed something.

“I doubted you because I got scared and I reverted to that pathetic boy again—I guess I was using Summerhill to hide.” He smiled a lop-sided half-smile at her. “We each have our armor, right?”

She nodded, finally moving, but still unable to speak. Her heart ached. She felt so vulnerable which was crazy given he was the one doing all the talking.

“It wasn’t for corporate goodwill that I liked to help out,” he said. “I did it because it made me feel good on the inside. And then you made me feel so good, I couldn’t believe in it. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Sex, sure, sometimes. But not sex like that. Not laughter and fun and challenge. You’re so vibrant. So smart. And I had no idea how lonely I was until I met you.” Connor reached out, gripping her shoulder to twist her to face him, forcing her to meet his eyes. “But I f*cked up. I admit it. The first hint of doubt… that there was a threat… it was a complete brain fail. I said the most stupid things. I hurt you. And I’m sorry for that. So sorry.” He looked right at her, in that old ultra-intense way… like she was the freaking Rubik’s cube conundrum again. “But here’s the thing, Savannah. You were already running away. You were running well before I lost it. Why was that? What were you so afraid of?”

She couldn’t speak.

“Why am I here, Savannah?”

She touched her tongue to the corner of her very, very dry lips. Her heart pounded.