Bound by Bliss (Bound and Determined #2)(81)
“I am not sure why you ask. And I would admit that I do not look forward to being with child, but neither do I fear it. I watched my mother’s discomfort with the condition and I cannot say I desire the same for myself, and I certainly fear the loss of a baby, but I do not fear childbirth itself. I am strong and my hips are wide—if you have not noticed.”
A low laugh, but his eyes did not reflect the humor. “Yes, I have noticed your hips. The way you walk no man could miss them.”
She smiled, wondering if the questions were over.
He reached out and took the hand that rested on his chest. “And do you wish children?”
“Yes—although sometimes I fear the pain and loss that can come for either parent or child. I do remember how my mother mourned the babies that did not survive. I am not sure that I have such strength with in me.”
“I think you have more strength than you know, Bliss. And I also think you risk far more by not having children than by having them. You have so much love in you and it needs a place to go. Think of all the love your mother did have. Would her life have been better without it?”
“You know I cannot answer that. How can anyone ever know what another experiences?”
“You are trying to avoid answering. Do you think your mother would have been happier without love?”
Bliss shut her eyes, but against her will her mind swept back to her mother dancing on the lawn, her circle of children about her, her eyes lifting to stare across at the duke, the love apparent in their mingled gaze. It was one of the best memories of Bliss’s life, a moment that clearly marked how perfect life had been.
Would her mother have ever given that up? Chosen to leave it behind?
No.
The single word reverberated through her thoughts.
No.
Her mother would never have chosen to leave that behind. Her mother had clung to love and family with all she had, even in the darkest of moments.
“I want children and not just to have an heir,” Duldon’s words intruded on her thoughts. “I cannot imagine a marriage without them. Although if God chooses not to bless us, then…”
Us. They were back to discussing marriage, their marriage. Why did it always come back to that? Why could he not be happy with what they did have in this moment? “I have discussed this long enough. I cannot believe that my feelings will change.” Although deep down she was beginning to fear they were already changing. It was hard to remember that dancing circle and not wish it for herself, no matter what came after.
She pushed the thought away. That was not why she was here. She turned her lips into a pouting smile. “Don’t you wish to play anymore? You are wasting time with all this talk.”
He held her glance, his face solemn. “The time is coming when I will no longer be content with play. I want more.”
“Don’t sound so disgruntled.” She refused to allow a return to seriousness. “I am sure you would happier if you had allowed me time to play. I think you would be much more satisfied then.”
A deep laugh rumbled in his chest, this time truly genuine. “Yes, a straining cock does not put a man in the best of moods. And you are a demanding kitten. I will have to work hard to keep your claws sheathed.”
“I admit I’ve never been good at doing what is expected. I have never liked to wait for my dessert.” She licked her lips and smiled, trying to go back to where they had been before their conversation began.
She felt him give in as he lay back upon the bed. “You are lucky you never attended school. We were forced to line up every morning with our toes upon that mark. There was no room for changing the rules about.”
“I imagine that you were always the first one there, ready to follow orders.”
“You might be surprised.”
She perused his long form as it lay beside her in the bed, strong and so very naked, and so very aroused even after these moments of quiet. “I just might be. Are you going to grant me a feather?”
Chapter Twenty-two
Duldon spread his body across the bed, crossed his fingers behind his head, and stared down at Bliss. He might be willing to let her play, but there was a limit to how much control he was willing to give up. He would grant her a feather, or two, but he intended this game to proceed as he desired.
Bliss had revealed more to him than he had honestly expected and he knew he needed to give her a moment of retreat, a moment to find herself again. And he couldn’t say he minded letting her have her fun.
He rather expected that he’d find the experience quite satisfactory.
His Bliss had some natural talent, talent he had dreamed of, but not truly expected.
A tentative hand brushed across his abdomen and he glanced down at her. She grinned back, her seriousness and dark thoughts put away. She might still be a little shy, but vitality and life filled her. Her joy was rarely hidden.
“Black or white?” she asked.
“Definitely white to start,” he answered, smiling at her in return.
Lifting the drooping white feather, she let the strands play across his belly. His muscles tensed and rippled, but he made no other motion. She repeated the gesture, letting the tendrils trail farther down until they brushed against his dark blond curls. His cock jumped, straining for her touch.
He stared up at the mirror above, trying to calm his body, to maintain his control. It was a mistake. The mirror captured the perfect curve of her ass, the nipped-in waist, the hint of those areas he had so recently explored.