Bound by Bliss (Bound and Determined #2)(80)

Did she really believe that? She’d never consciously put it into thought before. And those thoughts about her mother’s death, mostly she refused to believe them, but now, now she wondered again. Had she not been enough? Had her mother chosen to die?

“I do not believe that. And I cannot believe that you do either.” Duldon shifted and she felt him lean above her on the bed. “Would you have given up those years with your mother? I do not believe she would have given them up either. I cannot believe you think she would ever have left you or your family on purpose. And I don’t think Swanston does either. He may have wondered, but I do not think he believes it. And your father? Do you think your father wishes he had never met her? Avoiding love doesn’t prevent tragedy, it only prevents love.”

If only she could believe that. “It also prevents pain. I think it is easier to live without something than it is to lose it.”



He lifted a hand and trailed it across her lips. Without thought she placed a quiet kiss upon it.

“I can understand why you believe that,” he said. “I might not even argue with it, but easier is not the same as better. Life is better with love. I never thought you were a woman to take the easy route. If anything you often seem to work to make things harder than they need to be.”

She turned her face from him, scared that he would see how his words affected her. No, she did not seek the easy—except in this. There were some things that were not worth risk. “And how would you know, about me or about love?” Was that anger that edged her voice? Were the feelings of all these years finally seeping out?

“We will not discuss how I know about you. You know very well that I have cared for you. I will not debate that. I used to think that I knew you better than you know yourself. Even after all these years I think I see to the true heart of you, Bliss. As for love, you might think that having grown up almost on my own, raised by a man who rarely thought beyond my physical needs, that I would not know love, but I have seen it. I have seen it and missed it. I do not want to live without it. I would rather not marry than have a tolerable marriage. It is why I have waited for you.” His hands slipped up about her face, a twist of his fingers and the blindfold fell loose for a second time, leaving him staring straight into her eyes.

Could he possibly be saying what she thought he was? No, he did not mean that he loved her. She did not know what he did mean, but she was sure he did not mean that. “I can understand the lack you felt as a child and why it makes you want more, but it does not change the way I feel.”



“I also saw my guardian fall in love with a woman who was not his wife. He was unhappy for years as a result and even after his death his actions still bring pain. I will not follow that path.”

“I am not asking you to.” She spoke firmly and was not sure whether she sought to reassure herself or Stephan.

“Are you not?” His question was quiet, but very, very firm.

She turned her head from him, seeking distraction. “What are the feathers for? I don’t believe you showed me.”

His chest expanded above her until it seemed to fill her entire field of vision. “Do you need so badly to avoid this conversation?” Resignation sounded in his tone.

She did not answer, but placed a single hand upon his chest.

He exhaled. “Very well.” He reached for the soft white feather and lifted it, trailing it across her shoulder. It felt like a thousand velvet kisses. She could barely feel it, and yet her whole body was aware of that softest of brushes. Her head lolled back as for a moment she did nothing but enjoy.

“You like that,” he said. “And this?”

He lifted the black feather with his other hand, and brushed it across the top of her breast. It was much more definite in feel than the white feather, not a scratch, but firm and thin. Her forehead drew together as she considered the sensation.

“You are not as sure about that one, but I have a feeling it will grow on you. Are you ready to start again?” Stephan asked.



“Can’t I use them on you?” Her mind filled with the image of trailing the soft white feather over the tight muscles of his chest, of letting it drift lower, of…

“Your face is so transparent, kitten.”

“Only with you. You always seem to be reading my mind.”

“Do you ever wonder why that is?”

She closed her mouth. No. She spent a great deal of time not thinking about such things.

“I cannot grant your boon when you are not honest with me.”

Her lips stayed tight.

He smiled, softly and with great patience. “Then what about another question? Are you prepared to trust me with more? It always comes back to trust between us.”

What would he ask? She knew it would not be easy. “I cannot promise to answer.”

“And I cannot promise to give over control.”

“Ask.” She stared at his chest, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Why are you so opposed to marriage? I have tried to understand, but have not found an answer. You are clearly not scared of the physical aspects. Are you scared of childbirth?”

That she had not expected. Her eyes darted up to his and then fell back when she caught the intensity behind his gaze. “No.”

“I need more than that.”