Boarlander Boss Bear (Boarlander Bears #1)(29)

“Well, honey, that’s what daddies do. It broke my heart to see you go. Part of me hoped you would turn right back around and come home to me. But a bigger part of me wanted you to find a place where you fit. As much as I wanted it to be true, you didn’t fit in Buffalo Gap. Swear to come visit me, though.”

Audrey laughed thickly and drew a circle in the dirt between her legs with a crooked stick. “I swear. And as soon as you can, I want you to come up here and see me and these crazy boys I’m living around. They’re wild, but good people. I think you’ll like them.” She frowned at Clinton’s trailer where he sat by himself drinking a beer. Well, most of them.

Another wave of pain seized her muscles, and she doubled over and grunted.

“Audrey? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just the animal,” she gritted out.

Sympathetically, he asked, “She’s close?”

“Yeah. It’s been a while.”

“Do the other shifters hurt like you?”

“I don’t know. We don’t talk about that stuff.”

“Well, you’re there with people just like you. Maybe you should.”

Audrey forced her stiffened muscles to relax as best she could and shifted her attention to Harrison. Maybe he felt her watching from the night shadows of the trees because he lifted his face and locked his gaze right where she was sitting.

“Maybe I will. I love you, dad.”

“I love you, too, honey. You call me again soon.”

“I will. Goodnight.”

“’Night.”

She ended the call and stared at the glowing cell phone screen until it went dark.

Tomorrow was a big day. It was the first day of her new job at Moosey’s, and she didn’t want an uncontrolled Change with all the stress. No way in hell did she want a repeat of her eighth birthday party. But Harrison had a lot on his plate right now with bringing a new crew in line, hitting lumber numbers, and fixing up the park.

She felt bad asking about things she should already know, and Harrison was already being drained from all sides. She didn’t want to be part of the problem.

But…

If she didn’t ask, she would never understand her animal.

A long, low snarl rattled her throat as she doubled over again. This was her least favorite part of being a shifter. This right here was why it had been so easy to hate her mom. It wasn’t the leaving that had destroyed any loyalty Audrey had for her. It was the fact she put an uncontrollable beast inside of her, and then left the animal to eat her up.

The pain became blinding, and Audrey lurched forward to retch. She was scared. That was a part of sharing her body with a monster. Fear. She was scared of the animal, scared of the pain of the Change. Hers wasn’t fast like Harrison and Clinton’s had been. It wasn’t explosive or instant. It was slow and drawn out, and sometimes it stalled, and she just lay there, dying, caught between one form and the other, broken and wishing she could cry out in agony.

Sharing this part of herself would hurt the incredible relationship she was building with a man she was falling deeply in love with. She imagined him looking down at her hideous transformation with disgust crooking his lips, like all those crowds that had gathered around her limp body on the pavement. A flash of police sirens and the sting of the tranquilizer dart flashed across her mind. She’d been able to see everything from the burning pavement where she’d fallen. Every face in the crowd, every flash of every camera. She hadn’t been able to move a muscle, but she’d heard the horror and revulsion in everyone’s tone as they’d looked at her shifted body.

Now she was terrified to let anyone else see her.

“You’re fighting her,” Harrison said from behind her.

With a gasp, Audrey twisted around. “Don’t look at me,” she rasped.

Hurt flashed across Harrison’s face as he took a step back. He smelled like fur, and his eyes reflected like an animal’s in the glow of the trailer park below them.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she panted, gripping clumps of grass in her fists. She was on her hands and knees, buckling under the pain. “I don’t know how to do this. Everything hurts.” The last syllable turned into a feral sounding growl. “I’m scared.” Tears streamed down her face, and she wished she was stronger. Braver. Better. Harrison deserved that.

“Listen to me, Audrey. Fighting her will make it so much worse. You’ve been waiting too long, making her force her way out of you. Give in.” He was so close now, not touching her, but she could feel his warmth. He was kneeling in front of her. Dangerous.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t. Look at me.” Harrison leveled her with a bright-eyed look. “We’ll do this together. I’ll Change with you. I’ll show you my territory. Just give her your body.”

“I don’t know hooooooow,” she cried as her arm snapped.

“Fuck, Audrey! You’ll drag it out. Just close your eyes and give in!”

A smattering of sickening pops sounded, and two massive bear paws landed on either side of her, so hard the earth shook beneath her. He bellowed a deafening sound right above her, and the monster in her middle responded with a long, echoing roar that shook the air like thunder.

Squeezing her eyes closed against the fire lapping at every cell in her body, Audrey relaxed her muscles and reached for the tiger. Thirty counted seconds of agony later, she lay panting and limp. Harrison’s massive, chestnut grizzly paced frantically in front of her, as if he’d endured the agony of her Change right along with her.