Blindsided (Fake Boyfriend #4)(73)

Everything flashes through my mind. I’ve spent years worrying about ex-lovers coming forward and outing me, and there’s nothing to stop them doing that if I’m outing myself to the world. All those women we’ve shared, every single detail of our private lives is going to be splashed all over the news.

I knew this coming in, but now it’s actually happening, I can’t think properly. My heart pounds and sweat drops off my brow. I think I’m having a panic attack.

I force myself to take deep breaths but that makes it worse.

“Shane,” Talon says, getting my attention.

“Sorry, what?” I glance around the room at the four pairs of eyes scrutinizing me.

“You okay?” Talon asks.

I stand. “Can we … have a minute?”

Lennon waves me off. “I need some time to get some questions together, so take however long you need.”

Alan looks hopeful that I’m about to pull the plug on this, but Damon doesn’t look happy. I take Talon’s hand and lead him to the bedroom of the suite, closing the double doors behind me.

“What’s wrong?” Talon asks.

“Nothing.” I run my hand through my hair. “Everything? Fuck, I don’t know. Alan has a point.”

“What point?”

“Don’t play dumb. I could hear you talking. He doesn’t want you to do this. I’m fucking everything up for you.”

“He doesn’t get a say.”

“Talon … I …” I close my eyes, because I can’t look at him as I say this. “Maybe this is too much.”

Talon realizes what I’m saying. “You don’t want to do this.”

“I can’t let us do this if we’re not one hundred percent sure.”

Maybe I’m lying to myself or maybe my words are the truth. Maybe I just need reassurance. I don’t know. All I know is I’m freaking out.

“You’re not sure? About us, about me … about what?” Talon frowns, and I want to do everything I can to make that go away, but I don’t know if I can do what he’s asking of me. Not yet.

“I don’t know. What if we’re going about it all wrong?”

“Wrong how?”

How can I expect Talon to understand when I don’t myself?

“We’ve been doing this for how many months, but we haven’t actually spoken about a future together. We’re willing to risk everything, and for what? Tell me what a future with us would look like. You say I’m worth the risk, but what happens when this all falls apart? We might not have football or each other.”

“We don’t know what kind of fallout this is going to have. On you, on me, or on the NFL. It’s impossible to know. But one thing I’m certain of is of you and me together. That will never be in jeopardy.”

“What about when we’re bombarded by paparazzi every day relentlessly with no break?”

“Won’t be much different to my life right now, but there are ways around that. No one’s bothered us while we’ve been training.”

“Because they didn’t know where we were. I need something more than a hope we’ll stay together when our careers die and our teammates turn on us. I think being in our bubble has warped our vision. My family’s supportive. Damon, Jackson, and that whole group of great guys are everything we need this world to be, but that’s just it. The rest of the world isn’t like them, and until Alan started saying shit about why this is a bad idea, I guess I didn’t think about what reality would look like. Alan’s just the beginning. The world is full of Alans and Hendersons.”

“Alan will be fired if he doesn’t get on board.”

“As easy as that? You’ll walk away from the guy who got you millions of dollars over the last however many years, because you didn’t get your way?”

“Yep. Because this is more important to me.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re impulsive and always get what you want. Maybe this is one time you need to step back and look at the facts. This isn’t going to be easy, Marc.”

I’m torn in two. The college guy in love with his best friend wants to do this—throw caution to the wind and do what I’ve wanted to do for years, which is tell people how I feel about Talon. The smarter or perhaps dumber part—haven’t figured out which it is yet—wants to take more time.

If I can’t even handle Talon’s agent’s negativity, how am I going to handle everyone else? The team, reporters, social media. It’s going to be a bloodbath.

Does that mean I’m using him as an excuse? My head’s all fuzzy right now, and I can’t make sense of anything.

“I’m doing this,” Talon says, “whether you’re in or not. If you choose to walk out right now, the article will only be about me, but I’m still doing it.”

I grunt. “Why the fuck are you so stubborn?”

“Why the fuck didn’t you bring all this up before now?”

“Because I didn’t realize this was an issue until today. You know how you sense shit on the field? It’s like that. I can’t explain it, but my gut is telling me we’re not ready. Or … I’m not ready. Then your agent stood there and reminded me that you have everything to lose—more so than me—but I’m beginning to think that’s not true. This could be the final nail in the coffin when it comes to my career. You’re big enough to bounce back. I’m not. I’ve been fighting for the last few months trying to keep my career. Doing this could end it the second it gets out.”