Blindsided (Fake Boyfriend #4)(70)
Watching Damon and his friends is a weird experience. One I hope to be a bigger part of soon. Once the seed was planted, all I’ve thought about is being out with Miller and letting the rest of the world know how in love with him I am.
Should probably tell Miller first.
Oh, right. That. I’m waiting for the perfect moment. I dunno when that’ll be, but I’m pretty sure while he’s balls deep inside me isn’t the right time. Or when I’m inside him.
These guys are so free with each other. The little touches, the obvious glances …
Having sex with Miller earlier today didn’t do the trick this time. I want to touch him.
Being put in a box and told to stay in there has never sat well with me, so I know, on some level, we won’t be able to keep it a secret for long.
I thought it was the right thing to do, but it’s become clear that this comradery between this group is what we need in our lives. This type of support. And we should give it to Jackson as well as ourselves. But we need to do it right.
Doesn’t stop me from paying more attention to them than the game.
I find it almost ironic that any relationships I’ve had in the past have been exploited publicly. Not that any of them have been serious. Hell, I’ve never even said “I love you” to anyone. The one time I want to be in public with someone, and I have to pretend we’re not together.
The group is planning to head to a gay bar afterward, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle that. Miller and I have been outside our bubble too long already. But as the game winds down, and the arena empties, Miller tells the others we’ll meet them at the club.
“We’re really gonna go to that?” I ask on the way to the car.
“You don’t want to?”
“No, I want to. Probably too much.”
Miller smiles. “Need a little road head on the way to tide you over until we get home?”
In the parking garage for the hockey arena, I glance around to make sure no one’s within hearing distance. There’s a crowd of people making their own way to their cars, and none of them are paying us attention, but I still can’t do what I want to, which is take Miller’s hand.
Miller knows me too well. He grabs my forearm. “You okay?”
“I’m just realizing shit.”
“Man, you should write a philosophical self-help book and call it Realizing Shit.”
When we stop by my rental, I resist the urge to pull him into me for a hug. Instead, I force myself to click the unlock button on my key fob and climb in the car.
As soon as Miller’s in the passenger seat, he reaches over and rubs his hand over my cock. “Totally wasn’t kidding, by the way.” He leans in as if going to lower his head, but I stop him. He sits up straight again and frowns at me. “Okay, what’s wrong?”
“This is going to sound weird.”
“Oh, honey, everything out of your mouth is weird.”
The term of endearment shouldn’t make me all warm and fuzzy, damn it.
“I don’t want sex,” I blurt.
“Holy shit. That is weird.”
“All I want is to hold your hand, kiss you, and claim you as mine.”
“Aww, Marc. I am yours. Wholly and completely yours. Have been for years.”
We lean over the center console, and our lips come together in a kiss unlike we’ve shared so far. It feels like permanence and a promise to each other.
Miller’s tongue lazily strokes mine in an act of comfort and support. It’s not urgent and needy, and I’m thankful for the tinted windows.
“Fuck,” Miller whispers. “You might not want sex, but I do.”
I chuckle. “Later. You told the guys we’ll meet them.”
“We can blow it off and blow each other instead.”
“As fun as that sounds, we probably should make an appearance. That Lennon guy is there, and we have to make sure we want him to do our interview.”
Something like hesitance crosses Miller’s face. “Right. The interview.”
“Having doubts?”
He forces a smile, and he must forget I know him well enough to know when he’s about to bullshit me.
“Not about us,” he says.
That doesn’t really answer my question.
“Let’s just go talk to this Lennon dude and see if we even gel with him.”
“And if we get photographed going into a gay bar?”
“We follow what Damon says. We don’t admit anything but don’t deny it either. If there are unconfirmed rumors circulating, it’ll make the fallout more cushion-y.”
Miller shakes his head. “I still can’t believe this is a conversation, you know?”
I shrug. “I went through something similar with Moxie, but that was more scheduling outings so we were intentionally photographed to make the world know our relationship was still going strong, even when it wasn’t. It was kinda exhausting.”
“It’ll probably be the same for us once it’s all out. You ready for that?”
Part of me thinks he’s hoping I say no. I squeeze Miller’s hand. “I’m more than ready, because it’s different with you. With her, it felt like an obligation. With you, it’s a necessary evil I’ll gladly do because it means I get to be with you.”