Blind Kiss(50)

“Yes, for about three hours.” We laughed. “You were an easygoing baby. Kiki gave me such a hard time. I never felt well while I was pregnant with her.”

“Well, you were older.”

“After I had her, I had postpartum depression. And I never told you. You were too young, anyway.” She was blinking up at the ceiling. “Kiki cried so much as a baby. I just couldn’t bond with her.”

I looked up at the ceiling, too. “I remember her crying.”

“I wanted to throw her in a trash can. I had visions of it.” Shocked by her candor, I was speechless as she went on. “I was in a very dark place, and your dad helped me out of it. He would have done anything for me.”

“I know, Mom.”

Minutes were strung on a clothesline of memories until she spoke again.

“That’s how Gavin is with you. He’d do anything for you.”

“Gavin has a girlfriend. He and I are just friends.”

“Lottie won’t last,” she mumbled.

Trying to change the subject, I said, “Is that why you gave Kiki so much attention?”

She paused, contemplative. “Yes. I’m sure part of it was guilt—later, relief that I had finally bonded with her.”

I put my arm around her awkwardly. My knee brace got in the way of everything. She held me back for a long time. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed her affection.

“Mom, Kiki doesn’t want to do the pageants anymore. I told her to hold off on telling you, but she came to me tonight. I just thought you should know.”

She wasn’t the least bit surprised. “I know. I was going to talk to her about it and let her know it’s all right with me. I’m still proud of her.”

“Me too.”

“And, Penny, I’m proud of you, too. You’re a college graduate and you’re a beautiful dancer. Your knee will heal. And you’ll get your chance again. I believe it.”

“I hope so.”


TWO WEEKS LATER, Gavin called and asked what I had planned for the day. I told him my mom was taking me to physical therapy at ten that morning.

“Want me to pick you up afterward? We can go grab a bite.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll be done at eleven thirty.”

“See you then.”

“Peace.”

On our way to physical therapy I asked my mom what she was doing for the rest of the day.

“Kiki and I are going to see a therapist as well, but a different kind. I just thought it would be good if we both had someone to talk to. Let me know when you’re ready, Penny. I can set up an appointment with Dr. Rush for you, too.” She was still on an impressive proactive streak, hoping my father’s sudden death wouldn’t fuck us up too horribly.

“Thanks for the offer, Mom. I just wanted to let you know that Gavin’s picking me up, so I’ll see you guys back at home. Good luck at therapy today.” I hobbled into PT.

Stephanie, my physical therapist, worked my knee hard that day. I was finally doing weight-bearing exercises for the first time, and it hurt like hell.

At eleven thirty, I made my way out to the bench in front of the clinic and waited for Gavin. Even though it was summer, there was a chill in the air. I had on a tank top and shorts.

At eleven forty-five, I texted him.


Me: Where are you?

No response.

At noon, I tried calling my mom but her phone was turned off. She must’ve been in her therapy session with Kiki.

At twelve thirty, Gavin still wasn’t answering. I was worried that he had gotten into a car wreck and started to panic. I called Lance. He was there in just ten minutes.

“What happened?” he said after I got in the car.

“Gavin was supposed to get me, but he’s an hour late and not answering his phone.”

“What were your plans?”

“We were just going to get some lunch,” I said, irritated.

“I was just asking, Penny.”

I looked at him and felt guilty. It wasn’t his fault Gavin flaked. He was there to get me in ten minutes flat. I noticed he had on suit pants, a dress shirt, and a tie. He must’ve come straight from his new job.

Finally, I got a text from Gavin.


Gavin: Fuck, P. I just drove by your PT and you were gone. I’m so sorry. Fucking Lottie locked me out of the house and threatened to kill herself. I almost called the police. She finally let me in to get my keys. She’s at work now. Where are you? I’ll come get you?


Me: GO. FUCK. YOURSELF. I waited an hour. I was cold and my fucking knee is killing me. I’m done with Lottie’s shit and you should be too. You thrive on having a psychopath for a girlfriend. I got a ride. Thanks anyway.


Gavin: Please don’t do this.

I didn’t respond.

“Getting a lot of texts?” Lance remarked.

“It’s Gavin. He got into a fight with Lottie. Shocker.”

“She’s kind of a nut, huh?”

“Yes, but people like Gavin like that sort of thing. Makes him feel cool, you know?” I wasn’t in the mood to psychoanalyze Gavin. “So, are you working right now?”

“Yeah, I was on my lunch. I’ll drop you at home—I have to get back. Sorry, I wish I could take you for that bite but I’m out of time.”