Blind Kiss(16)

Buckley, our yellow Lab—think Marley and Me—destroyed everything.

“You have a white couch, P.” It was a statement of fact as well as an accusation.

“Do you want coffee?” I asked him, ignoring the comment.

“Espresso, please, though I’m afraid I’ll spill it on your white couch.” He was still emotional, but now he was laughing a little as he sat down.

Inside the kitchen, I watched him as I turned on the espresso machine. He was running his hand over the white fabric.

“Are you making fun of my couch?”

“No. Well, kind of.”

“I thought you were sad and lost. Not too sad and lost to make fun of my furniture, apparently?” I finished the drink and handed him the tiny mug of espresso.

“I am sad.”

I plopped down next to him and crossed my legs. He took a sip and set the mug down on the glass table in front of us before glancing out the big back window. “You have a way better yard than my dad. I should have helped him more over the years, with his yard and everything. I should have been here. I’m mad at myself.”

Gavin’s dad had remarried a woman named Jackie when we were in our mid-twenties. She and Gavin didn’t get along. Gavin thought she was an alien . . . seriously. He said aside from her eyes being too big and far apart to be human, she also had no family and never shared her background with his dad. He got superstoned one night and called the FBI and reported her to them, saying she was using some woman’s body as a host. The next day, when the THC had worn off, he called everyone who knew the story and apologized. But later, when he was sober, he told me he still thought she was an alien.

He didn’t talk to his dad for three years. It was only after the divorce that they finally made amends. Gavin regretted shutting out his dad during the Jackie phase. His mom still lived in Los Angeles, but he rarely spoke to her. The tension between them was much harder to get over.

“Where is Buckley anyway?” he asked.

“In the garage. I put him in there when I dance; otherwise he’ll jump all over me.”

“I get it.”

“I know. He’s hyper but he’s still a puppy. He’ll calm down.”

“No, I mean I get why someone would want to jump all over you when you’re dancing.”

I rolled my eyes. I either completely ignored his comments like that or I’d say something to shock him. “You wanna go fuck upstairs? I put these sweats on especially for you.”

He looked at my tattered sweats and stained T-shirt. “You still look hot.”

“Gavin.” I gave him my typical “time to change the subject” look.

“Relax, I’m messing with you. Though you do still have that thing.”

“What thing?”

“Transcendent beauty.” He took a long breath and released it. “He has prostate cancer, stage four. It’s spread all over. He didn’t tell me. He fucking didn’t tell me, Penny. Not until he knew he only had months or weeks to live.”

“Why? Why would he do that?”

“Because he didn’t want to burden me, I guess.”

His face fell. He swallowed. His eyes welled up again and mine did, too. “Oh Gavin, I’m so sorry.”

He fell into me again and buried his face in my chest. “He’s all I have left. I have no family . . . nothing.”

“But what about Jenn, and your mom?”

“My mom’s a lost cause. In rehab again. Her stupid boyfriend is paying for it. And I broke up with Jenn. Six months ago.”

“What?” I was shocked. All revelations to me. It had been his longest relationship to date. Three years, and they were about to move in with each other. “Why didn’t you tell me? You tell me everything.”

“I don’t know. I thought you’d be mad. I knew you liked her.”

“I am mad. She was sweet and kind and loving and—”

“She was a soul crusher, P. She was like the joke police. She never laughed at a single one of my jokes.”

“You broke up with your girlfriend of three years because she didn’t laugh at your jokes?”

“Yes, that’s a deal breaker, don’t you think? Move your legs, I want to lie down.”

He put his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair. It was intimate, but we were intimately close friends. He was truly my best friend, and there were a million reasons why he was—more than Kiki, more than Ling, more than my own husband.

“What are you gonna do?”

“Move in with him and take care of him until he goes.” A stray tear ran down his cheek. I wiped it away.

“What about the garage?”

“I’ll hire someone to run it.”

“And your apartment.”

“Really, Penny? I’m pretty much the most untethered person you know. I could move to a mountain in fucking Bangladesh and no one would care. The garage runs itself. My apartment is a shithole. I’m moving here and taking care of my dad. The bonus is that I’ll get to see you more. If there’s a silver lining around this black cloud of doom, then that’s it.”

“I’d care,” I said quietly.

“What?” He squinted.

“If you moved to Bangladesh. I’d care.”