Beyond the Consequences (Book 5 of the Consequences Series)(47)

Leaving her robe on the lounge chair and her sandals beside it, Claire stepped carefully down the pool’s stairs and immersed herself in the tepid water. The goose bumps didn’t register as she remembered that night:



She and Tony were in New York alone. They weren’t really alone. That rarely occurred. Eric had gone with them while Taylor and Phil stayed in Iowa. It was the first time they’d spent a few nights away from Nichol since they’d been reunited as a family, and as much as Claire had looked forward to the time away, she missed their daughter.

Nevertheless, she managed to busy herself with things she used to enjoy: a trip to the spa and time on 5th Avenue. Being the middle of May, the weather was perfect as she walked up and down the New York City streets. It’d been a long time since she’d been to the city, and she enjoyed the contagious energy of its people. The exhilarating vitality rippled through the air, energizing the residents and tourists alike. When thoughts of Rudolf tried to infiltrate her thoughts, Claire would remember that he was still incarcerated and she was safe. Once in a while she’d wonder about the Rawls-Nichols mailings. They hadn’t received any in over a month. Tony told her he didn’t know why they’d stopped, but he was glad they had. Claire wasn’t sure if they’d really stopped or merely taken a break. Either way, the comforting sense of safety added to her euphoria.

Claire had forgotten the invigorating rush of Times Square and the serenity of Central Park. As hours passed, she found herself lost in her own therapeutic and rejuvenating world. Now that she was a mother and their lives involved numerous people and responsibilities, being alone in a crowd seemed like a distant memory. For the life of her, Claire couldn’t remember the last time she’d willingly spent the day by herself. Yet with the sun shining down and a gentle breeze, while walking the streets amidst the throngs of people or sitting on the edge of a fountain in Central Park and listening to the street performers, Claire felt revitalized.

Dr. Brown often asked her to evaluate her feelings, to delve deeper into them. Sitting on that concrete ledge with music in the air, Claire came to an important conclusion. She no longer feared being alone. That didn’t mean that she wanted to be like that all of the time, but she didn’t fear it. There was a time she had. Her life at Everwood and early years with Tony had been a solitary hell. Though it hadn’t been a conscious decision, since leaving Everwood and reuniting with Tony and Nichol, Claire had purposely kept herself occupied with everyone else. Whether it was her immediate family, extended family, friends, or employees, she stayed connected. It was no secret that being alone used to bother her. Hell, it was the weapon that Catherine secretly wielded when she encouraged Claire’s disappearance. The money Catherine offered was all a ploy to isolate Claire yet again. However, years later, surrounded by strangers, she realized she enjoyed being alone. Perhaps she always had. There was nothing to fear in alone time, as long as she also had her loved ones.

Claire recalled the memories of days spent at her lake. Recently she’d gone there with Tony and Nichol. While they’d had a wonderful afternoon, it wasn’t as relaxing and rejuvenating as it used to be. Her lake, the woods, those private times had helped her survive. She realized that it was as necessary in her everyday life as the connections she’d forged. The secret was balance.

During that afternoon, she also realized that if a trip around Manhattan could enlighten her, she didn’t need to spend as much time with Dr. Brown. If life were a balancing act and alone time was part of it, then something needed to give. There were only so many hours in a day, week, or year, and Claire had no intentions of decreasing her time with Tony or Nichol. She also didn’t want to lose time with Emily, Courtney, Meredith, or Sue.

Claire was ready to take on life again. With the effects of the medications gone, she was ready to experience every day to its fullest. That didn’t mean she’d stop all of her counseling. The family court had mandated a minimum of a year as one of the stipulations of Tony and Claire’s regained custody. Everwood had also asked for a year. It wasn’t mandated, but just like the medication, a gradual decrease seemed reasonable.

As Claire walked the paths of the park on her way toward the streets, she recalled the night Tony proposed. A smile materialized as she thought about his words. Though she couldn’t remember them verbatim, she did remember her shock at his declaration. As much as her life changed the day he took her, it also changed the evening he asked her to be his wife. That night opened the floodgate for feelings and emotions she’d been fighting. Though they’d had many ups and downs since that night nearly six and a half years ago, Claire knew the love she felt that night was only a seedling to what she felt today.

Lost in her thoughts, it was after 6:30 by the time Claire made it back to their apartment. With the spring sun, longer days, and constant buzz of people, time had been difficult to decipher. When she reached the foyer of their apartment, Claire had a fleeting vision of the man from her past. A bygone aura reverberated through the entry as dark eyes peered down from the top of the stairs and the deep voice demanded answers. “Where have you been?”

Though the scene may have resembled another time, it varied significantly in Claire’s response. She didn’t fear his question or the consequences of her carelessness. Honestly, she hadn’t thought about his reaction at all until she saw him. Rarely was she late; however, when she was, she usually did her best to keep everyone informed. The day and afternoon hadn’t been about everyone. It’d been about her: rediscovering herself, by herself.