Beyond the Consequences (Book 5 of the Consequences Series)(42)

“I… I just… what if something happens?”

“Don’t be silly,” Claire scoffed. “Taylor’s here. Everything’s fine. You should take advantage of the opportunity and get some rest when you can.”

Stifling a yawn, Emily stood. “Really, Claire, thank you. I just can’t. I’ll nap when John gets home. Let me have her, and I’ll put her down in her crib. You and I can have some coffee and watch the kids play. We haven’t talked in a while, not without the kids or men around.” Reaching for her daughter, Emily asked, “Fill me in on what’s happening with you?”

Claire felt a cold chill as Beth’s tiny warm body was lifted from her lap. Suddenly, sadness filled her chest. She’d wanted a range of emotion and as she contemplated the sudden emptiness, she had it. Fighting the realization of what just went unspoken, Claire feigned a smile. Her sister didn’t trust her with her child. Trying to hide her hurt, Claire said, “I’m good, Emily. I’ll go make some coffee while you put Beth down. Then I’ll meet you on the back patio. It’s getting warmer and the children are playing in the backyard.”

“That sounds great,” Emily replied, heading toward the nursery.

With each step, Claire thought about the disappointment eddying through her. Yes, she’d had mental issues, but never in her life would she have imagined that her own sister wouldn’t trust her with her baby. Didn’t Emily know how much Claire loved children? With each step she tried to suppress her distress. As she did a new thought occurred to her. Wasn’t this a good sign? She wanted the range of emotion that was real life. By decreasing her medications, she asked to once again experience the ups and downs. Claire had just forgotten how painful the downs could be.

As she made the coffee Claire tried to concentrate on the positive. She thought how Beth reminded her of Nichol at that age. Suddenly, her mind went to Madeline. The kind woman’s gentle touch, caring words, and wealth of knowledge were Claire’s light and encouragement during those first few months of motherhood. Madeline not only taught Claire and Tony about babies, she empowered them to be parents. Thinking about the prospect of another baby, Claire knew what she wanted. She decided that when she and Tony were alone, she’d talk to him about inviting Madeline and Francis to Iowa.

Those thoughts and plans pulled Claire from her feeling of rejection as she settled at the Vandersols’ outdoor table and watched the children running furiously about the yard, laughing and kicking. In the past few weeks, Nichol had become obsessed with soccer. Thankfully both children were wearing little shin guards. Heaven knows what type of tragedy could occur without them. Claire shook her head. Although her daughter knew very little about the real game, Claire heard Nichol’s voice above the giggles, constantly reminding her cousin of the rules, or more accurately her rules. It was at times like this that Claire saw more Tony in their child.

She felt she had a strong argument for nature over nurture. Even without the presence of her father for the first three years of her life, Nichol’s words, actions, and even gestures were all miniature copies of her father’s. Yet as these thoughts streamed through her mind, Michael fell to the ground, holding his leg. Before Claire could stand, Nichol was on her knees at his side. The injury timeout was short-lived. Soon they were both up and the game was once again in full swing. Claire smiled. Nichol may have Tony’s determination, but she also possessed her mother’s gentleness and compassion.

“What are you thinking?” Emily asked as she sat and placed the small monitor on the table. The warm afternoon breeze gently blew through their hair.

“I was thinking about how much I enjoy watching Nichol and Michael together.” Claire didn’t want to address what had happened inside with Beth.

“I do too. They have so much fun together.”

Claire nodded as she took a sip of her coffee.

“I especially like how they wear each other out,” Emily said. “I hope they welcome Beth into their world.”

“I like the wearing out part too, and don’t worry, they will,” Claire reassured. “Nichol’s elated that the girls now outnumber the boys.”

“I worry that they’ll think of her as a nuisance, being younger than them.”

“Did you think I was a nuisance?” Claire asked with a smirk.

Emily grinned over the rim of her coffee mug. “Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn’t answer that.”

“Well, maybe Beth needs someone closer to her own age?” Claire hadn’t broached the baby subject with Emily in a few months. Her sister had no idea of the work she and Tony had been doing to get Claire ready to be pregnant.

Emily narrowed her gaze toward Claire. “If you’re talking about me, I think I’m done for a while.”

Claire laughed. “Well, since Beth’s barely a month old, I’d be shocked if you wanted to jump on that again.”

“Then I hope you’re suggesting a play group. Claire, you can’t be thinking of—”

Claire sat straighter. “Em, don’t do that. Don’t make everything an argument. You’re my sister. You’re supposed to be my friend, not my mother.”

Emily rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry, Claire. I’m tired and my filter is sleeping.”

“No,” Claire replied. “When it comes to me you don’t have a filter. Tony and I are planning to try for another child.”