Beyond What is Given(79)

The clock read seven thirty. No classes today, but I only had a couple hours before work. I fought the urge to go back to sleep. I’d slept like shit this weekend, no thanks to Mr. No-call, but I wasn’t going to be in here asleep when he got back.

Or quite as complacent in his *ry as I’d been last night. You pretty much let him get off one more time before he breaks your heart.

Or maybe I’d been saying good-bye for myself, preparing for the inevitable nights where he wouldn’t be in my bed…my life. But the look in his eyes when he’d said he needed me, begged for me like I was the only person who could right his world…I was powerless against him. Well, that shit had to stop. Especially now that Grace was awake.

I found my pajamas and underwear, got dressed, and headed downstairs.

“Coffee?” Ember asked and nodded toward the seat across from her at the table, where my favorite mug waited. “Peppermint creamer and honey, just the way you like it.”

I dropped onto the chair and brought the steaming mug to my lips, inhaling the aroma before I took my first sip. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re here, even if it’s just for the week.”

She propped her feet on the chair next to me and leaned back, waiting.

“Do you remember prom when we were seniors?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said. “I went with Riley, and we had that big party at Strawberry Fields. Where are you going with this one?”

“Do you remember who I went with?”

Her forehead puckered. “Dustin McClair? Right? That was right after…”

“Right after Corey broke up with me the week before. I was so scared of being alone, of missing out on my senior prom, that I went with Dustin, who I had absolutely no interest in, who ruined my dress when he spilled beer in the limo, and who reeked of garlic all night. Oh, and then he got really pissed when I wouldn’t sleep with him.”

“That was definitely a night to remember.” She leaned forward. “Sam?”

“Do you remember what you said to me when I told you I was going with him?”

“Not exactly. Something along the lines of, ‘are you sure…’”

“You said, ‘you’ve never been one to settle for second choice.’”

She took a sip and nodded. “Well, you never have been.”

“Right. And that’s the thing. Grayson? I’m so in love with him that I can’t imagine a future where I don’t wake up to him. There’s no one on this earth who makes me feel like he does, who brings out the very best in me. He’s complicated, and smart, and has an incredible heart. Add in that he’s gorgeous and I can barely keep up in bed with him…well, he’s my first choice.”

“Yes.”

“But I’m his second choice. And first place just hopped back on the track, and she’s so far ahead of me that she’s almost got me lapped.”

“Sam, Grayson loves you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way he talks to you, or about you.”

“He cares a lot about me, Ember, but love… I don’t know how you can love someone if you never get your heart back from the person who took it in the first place. He loves Grace. He’s always loved Grace. It was one thing to compete against a ghost, to make peace with that, but the real flesh-and-blood Grace? This was over before it began.”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Or him.” She stood to make another cup of coffee. Our shared caffeine addiction was as strong as our friendship. “What happened when he came home last night?”

Warmth rushed to my cheeks. “We didn’t exactly talk. I…slept with him and woke up in his bed this morning.”

She leaned back against the counter as the machine hissed out another dose of energy. “So he came home off the late flight, and the first thing he did was move you to his room, his bed, and make you come.”

I almost spit out my coffee. “Holy shit, Josh is rubbing off on you.”

She shrugged. “I’m just saying that doesn’t sound like a guy who thinks you’ve been lapped by another girl.”

“He didn’t so much as call.”

“Okay, well, that doesn’t really help his case, true. But give the guy a break; I’m sure he was in a little shock.”

“What if he slept with her?” The agony that ripped through my chest at the thought was nearly paralyzing.

She tilted her head at me. “The girl was in a coma for five years. I hardly think she woke up like, ‘let me get some of that.’”

“But what if he wanted to?” I hated this, the insecurities that had reared their ugly head and were currently choking the hope out of my soul. “Last night was different. It felt like he was saying good-bye.” My face twisted, and I rubbed my hand over my forehead. “I’m going to have to let him go, aren’t I?”

The front door opened, and I sucked in my breath, composing myself as Jagger and Josh came into the kitchen, both sweating like pigs. Attractive pigs, but yeah.

“What? No smoothie?” Josh teased me and then kissed Ember lightly. “Good morning.”

Jagger grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and tossed one at Josh.

“Where’s Grayson?” I asked, trying and failing to keep nonchalant. I didn’t miss the look that passed between the guys.