Best Friends Don't Kiss(80)

He has something to tell me. On the surface, those words sound so simple. But somehow, they are a finger on the trigger, quickly pulling back and firing the ultimate emotional blow.

Do not cry. Don’t you dare get all emotional and dramatic and cry.

“Okay,” I say, but I shut my eyes closed tight, using my lids as a dam against my tears.

“I got in.”

My eyes pop open, and I search his cautious gaze for more.

“NASA selected me for the program,” he adds, but his voice is so quiet, so…not at all how I’d expect it to be when he’s telling me this life-changing, he-just-achieved-all-of-his-dreams news.

I just stare at him for the longest moment, trying to understand why he looks like he just read off an obituary, instead of telling me what should be the greatest success of his life.

A sigh escapes his lungs, and he fixates his gaze on the carpet.

“Luke?” I walk over toward him until my knees bump against his. “Why do I get the sense there’s more to this than what you’re saying?” I question. “Because this is really huge, unbelievably fantastic news, but you’re acting like it’s not.”

“Because I’ve known about it for a while.” He sighs again and reaches out to grip my hips with his fingers, his gaze eventually lifting to meet mine.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve known since November.”

“November?” I question.

“I got the call on November 17th.”

My mind reels. “You’ve known that long, and you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m so sorry, Ava.”

“But why…?” I question and glance around the room in confusion. “I don’t understand. We always tell each other everything. We’re each other’s biggest fans, Luke,” I challenge. “Why on earth wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to. I did. I just didn’t want to ruin… I didn’t want to turn good news sour.”

Tears burn in my nose with deep, real hurt. Somehow, somewhere, I must have gone really wrong in our friendship if Luke thought sharing the best accomplishment of his life with me would turn it bad.

I try to clear my head and focus on the details. “When does the program start?”

“January 5th.”

My stomach drops out and my head spins, and all of a sudden, I feel like breathing is an incredibly difficult thing to achieve. “Th-that soon?”

“Ava, I’m so sorry,” he says and stands up to move closer to me. When he tries to wrap his arms around my shoulders, I back away. My emotions and thoughts are too scattered and intense to be able to handle such close proximity.

“Don’t,” I whisper and hold up both of my hands. “Just…don’t.”

“I know I should’ve told you sooner. Fuck, I wanted to tell you sooner, but every damn time I tried, I just couldn’t do it.”

A civil war erupts inside my body, my mind and my heart completely at odds and battling each other for the win.

Rationally, I know I should be happy for him. Like, really fucking happy for him. And I should be congratulating him and telling him how proud I am of him.

But it’s really hard to do that when he’s known since November that he got accepted into the program, and he didn’t tell me. He’s known since November that he’ll be leaving New York and moving across the fucking country.

He’s known since before he offered to play the role of my boyfriend.

He’s known since before he came to Vermont with me.

He’s known since before he kissed me.

Before he touched me.

Before he slid inside me for the first time. And the second time.

He’s known this whole time, and he still let me fall for him in a way that I don’t know how I’m going to stand a life without him.

Yet, that’s what I’m going to have to imagine.

Because he’s leaving New York.

He’s leaving me.





Luke



Tears fall down Ava’s cheeks, and I feel like someone has reached inside my body and yanked my heart right the fuck out of my chest. The mere idea of hurting her is abhorrent. It is the very last thing I ever want to do, but fuck, even if it wasn’t intentional, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve hurt her.

All throughout our friendship, trust and honesty and communication have always been at the foundation. And what I’ve done, keeping this a secret from her for as long as I did, goes against all that.

“Ava, I’m so sorry,” I repeat, and she just shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest and staring down at the ground.

“Why did you hide that from me?” she asks, her voice so fucking small it makes my chest feel like it might crack in half. “I know I’ve even asked you since then if you’ve heard anything, and you straight up lied to me.”

She’s right.

“I know I did, and I never should’ve done that,” I answer, silently wishing I could wrap her up in my arms. But I can’t because that isn’t what she wants. If anything, she looks like she wants to run out of this room and away from me. “Every time I tried to tell you, I just couldn’t get the words out.”

She goes quiet for the longest moment, and I just stand there, waiting patiently, giving her time to digest all this, to process her emotions.