Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(15)
Jackson grabs my chin forcing me to look at him. “I’m not asking you to understand it. Fuck. I don’t understand it. But I want us. I want this to work. Stay with me.”
“I almost lost you. Not once but twice,” I say, enunciating my words, trying to make him understand. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had died. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I had to stand there waiting for them to tell me I’d lost you forever.”
He grabs on to his shoulder, grimacing in pain.
“I’m here now,” he retorts.
The urge to touch him is so great I can’t fight it. My hand tenderly tangles in his hair as his eyes close. “Yes, by a miracle. There are a lot of things we need to agree upon before we can just go back.”
Settling a little, he opens one eye before saying, “You’re still not answering me.”
My smile spreads from his playfulness. “We can talk later,” I assure him.
His breathing regulates as the muscles in his body relax. I’m hopeful his pain is subsiding. “Promise me,” I hear him whisper.
“Promise you what?”
“You won’t leave me. I’d be lost.” Jackson’s eyes lock on mine. I watch the fear roll through them like a storm.
“I’ll always find you, Jackson,” I say, reciting the words he spoke to me when I told him how I feel around him. Leaning down, I place my lips against his and a low hum comes from his chest. Pulling back, I see the satisfaction shining in his eyes.
Jackson sighs and cups my face with his good hand. “I love you, Catherine Pope. I’m a complete and total f*cking idiot for leaving you that night. Please, forgive me. Be mine. Let me fix us.”
My lips part at his admission. He’s never said those three little words. Each nerve in my body tingles and my throat grows thick.
I lean forward and grip his face in my hands. “You just did.”
“I mean it. I love you. I should’ve told you that before I left. I don’t want to lose you.” His eyes bore into mine, showing the honesty of his words.
My heart is so full. Jackson looks at me waiting for me to say something. The words fall from my lips effortlessly, “I love you. But there are some things I need from you.”
“Anything and it’s yours.”
“You might want to hear them first,” I laugh.
“Name it.”
I sigh not wanting to have this conversation so soon, but he’s insistent. “Okay, you know I have …” I pause struggling to find the right word. “Fears … I’ve been hurt by a lot of men.”
Jackson grips my hand. “I know and I’m sorry I’m one of them.”
“Let me try to get this out.” Jackson nods and I continue. “When you left me that night, I didn’t think I would ever talk to you again. You hurt me much more than Neil ever did. I can’t ever go through a breakup like that again. Cheating, lying, manipulating me … these are non-negotiable—complete deal-breakers. I won’t stand for it. I need honesty, respect, loyalty.”
“I don’t have a problem with loyalty, Catherine.”
“You need to really understand. I’ve seen it all happen. I watched my worst nightmare unfold. My dad left, Neil broke me, and then you turned around and walked away—immediately after I’d faced my own fears. I know what I did was wrong. I know that I shut you out and let my fears push you aside. For that, I’m so sorry.”
“I understand fear, baby.”
“But you saved me. You gave me hope that I could be enough for you. Losing you would devastate me. If you want someone else, then please end it with me first. I’ll promise you the same.”
His hand grips the back of my neck and he pulls me to his mouth. His kiss is rough and strong. It penetrates every inch of my body. It seals everything in that moment. We’re going to be okay. We’ll fight together and find a way. I break the kiss and the smile that forms across his face obliterates any remaining anger. “You’ll never have to worry about me straying from you. I’ve got everything I need right here,” he vows.
I sit there and watch him drift to sleep with hope soaring in my heart.
The next few days pass without any issues. Jackson’s shoulder and leg are healed enough that they want him to start physical therapy. His abdomen is still where the primary concern is. Most of our days are spent talking and going over business issues. He’s not happy with pushing back the launch of the new product. The press release was bumped back a few weeks, and I’ve now decided there needs to be a party after. I know he’s against it, but in the long run it’s better for him and for Raven.
“Your father is probably starving to death at this point. Plus Reagan is driving him insane,” Jackson’s mother says with a smile. Her flight is in a few hours. She was reluctant to leave but said he’s in good hands. Plus she has to get back to the States with his sister getting married in a month.
“Probably, she’s always been high maintenance.”
“Oh, and you’re not?”
“I’m a saint.”
Nina and I burst out laughing as Jackson looks around as if he’s serious.
Jackson clears his throat, “Whatever, I’m sure Dad is living on chips and beer.”