Beg You to Trust Me (Lindon U #2)(37)

My eyelids squeeze closed. He can figure the rest out himself since he’s so keen on bringing up sex.

His eyes soften when I open mine. “You don’t remember who you hooked up with?” I shake my head, avoiding the look he’s pinning me with. “Shit, Sky. I’m sorry. That’s…”

He’s at a loss for words for a few seconds, and that makes two of us.

Until he says, “Look, it happens. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of drunken flings. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“That isn’t my thing,” I inform him.

“How do you know?”

“Because I do.” I’m getting snippy, defensive, but the way he prods me isn’t helping the downward spiral I’ve been in for weeks because of that night. “Not all of us are as happy as you admitting we sleep around.”

His eyes narrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Like you don’t know.” I cross my arms on my chest and stare out the window, fully ignoring the way he adjusts in his seat to glare at me.

“I don’t know. Enlighten me, Skylar.” The challenge in his voice isn’t one I want to take, so he keeps going when he realizes I won’t answer him. “If you’re not the judgmental type, then care to explain why you’re basically calling me a man whore? I’m not the one who’s apparently got at least two men around me at all times.”

Something inside of me cracks.

Splinters.

“Wow,” I breathe. “I guess that explains why you kissed me. Did you want to be part of my personal harem, DJ? Did you think it’d be that easy?” My voice cracks as I fight back the tears that prickle my eyes. “Just because you feed me pizza and offer to drive me home doesn’t mean I’m going to take my pants off for you and spread my legs. I know what people say. That doesn’t mean it’s true. Whoever started it—” Becca, I silently accuse. “—doesn’t know me at all. You obviously don’t either.”

And that probably hurts the worst.

When in the short time we’ve known each other have I ever given him the impression that I pay any attention to the guys who are apparently always flocking me?

“Aw, fuck,” he cusses, swiping a hand down his face. “That isn’t what I meant. And that’s definitely not why I kiss—”

“Don’t.” I hold up my palm to stop him, and he obeys. “Do not apologize if you don’t mean it. Don’t make up excuses either. That makes it worse.”

“But I do—”

“No,” I cut him off again. I peel my eyes away from the glass to level with him. “You’re only saying you’re sorry because you think it’ll make up for being an asshole. But you don’t know me. You want to be my friend, but friends don’t treat each other like this. They don’t make the other feel bad because they get hit on. They don’t make their friends feel cheap and easy when that’s the furthest thing from the truth. If you want to sleep around, then fine. I don’t care. It’s your business. Just like what I do or don’t do is none of yours.”

His jaw ticks, but he stays silent.

I swallow past the lump clinging to my vocal cords and try calming my tone. “I don’t know why you think that I’m dragging along half the campus’s male population, but I’m not. If they’re interested, it’s one-sided. But did you ask that? No. You chose to believe the worst in me to make yourself feel better for whatever you’ve done in the past.” His eyes dull and lips start weighing at the corners, but I don’t let the guilt he’s showing stop me. “You have no clue what happened that night, do you? You don’t know anything about that party.”

His rears back. “Me? Why would I?”

I can’t form the words. The question.

Blond hair.

Big hands.

The truth is, I’ve long accepted it wasn’t him that night. I wouldn’t have agreed to meet up with him if I believed he’s the one who took my virginity.

His eyes widen, slack jawed in awe as he stares at me. “You thought it could have been me that you slept with this whole time, didn’t you? That’s why you were acting weird around me at first.”

Again, I’m quiet.

One of his palms scrapes down the side of his face as he leans back in his seat. “Guess that explains it.”

He doesn’t even know the half of it, and I’m not sure I could ever tell him. Not about the nightmares I’ve been waking up from that aren’t really nightmares at all.

No, they’re little memories piecing themselves together. And I’m afraid of the day when they come together fully because then…

I’ll remember everything.

And I’ll either hate myself for putting myself in that position or hate somebody else for it. But hate gets you nowhere.

My throat thickens with emotion. “I remember enough to think that it could have been. I didn’t completely rule you out as much as I probably should have at first. Like I said, I’d been drinking a lot so it’s fuzzy.”

There’s a deep breath coming from the driver’s seat that makes me look at him with pinched brows. “Skylar…”

I blink.

“It wasn’t me. I wish… Shit, it doesn’t matter what I wish. But it wasn’t me, I swear. I would have said something by now if it were. It had to have been someone else on the team if you were upstairs all night…” After a second, pink creeps up his neck and settles all the way to the tips of his ears. “Look, I don’t know how to ask you this because it’s none of my damn business, but, uh…” His wince makes me flinch too. “Shit. Okay, well, it’s just that Coach made us all get tested for…er, things that are going around campus. And some of the guys tested positive for those…things.”