Beg You to Trust Me (Lindon U #2)(36)

He’s quieter than I expect as he contemplates how to respond. Studying me with his lips pressed together, he nods once. “You know, something didn’t sit well with me about her the first day I met her at Bea’s.”

“What did she do?” I feel the need to ask, even if part of me doesn’t want to know.

He shakes his head after a long stretch of time. “Get in. It’s not important. All that matters is that it’s good you’re nothing like her. She’s the type of person the world only needs one of. Trust me. And as far as Marks goes, he’s a big boy. He’ll do whatever he wants no matter her reputation or what one of us tries advising him against doing.”

It’s too quiet in the cab once we’re inside as I sneak a peek at him. The brief glance doesn’t go unnoticed by the boy behind the wheel.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

Too much.

I lift a shoulder. “I’ve always had social anxiety. It used to take me at least twenty minutes to prepare myself for a phone call. My sisters would tease me for asking our mother to make doctor’s appointments for me, but they’re not like me. Going out, being able to talk to whoever, isn’t easy for me. My chest gets tight, and I start feeling like I’m going to hyperventilate.” It’s embarrassing to admit, but I find myself going on because he’s listening to me without one ounce of judgement on his face. “I was hoping I could reinvent myself here where nobody knew me. I could be anybody I wanted. A girl with any color hair, who wore whatever she wanted, and did whatever she felt like. I could be quiet or loud or introverted or extroverted because I didn’t think people would care. College was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be different.”

But maybe I’m too different now.

Shaped by all the wrong choices.

I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t make myself meet them. “College can be if you stop letting people try tearing you down,” he says.

Easier said than done.

“Hey, look at me,” he murmurs, fingers gently touching my chin and turning my head toward him. “I know a few of the guys go through the same thing as you with their anxiety. Some people can just play it off easier than others. Channel it in things like sports. And I know ignoring what your roommate says is probably difficult, but once you stop showing her that it upsets you, she’ll stop having that power over you. She only says shit because she knows you’ll react. It feeds her. People like that aren’t worth it. Eventually, they’ll get what’s coming to them.”

His fingers remain on my chin, his thumb caressing the underside of my jaw in a light brush that causes goosebumps to pimple on my skin.

I let his words sink in. Really sink in. I do let Rebecca walk all over me. I thought killing her with kindness would be enough. But all it’s doing is killing me instead.

Being somebody that I’m not has only made me more confused. Even when I’m wearing something frumpy and warm with a face naked of makeup, I have people who enjoy being around me.

That’s enough for me.

“Skylar?” he asks quietly, glancing briefly at my lips and watching me do the same to his.

I’m not sure who moves first. Me or him. I don’t even know why I let it happen. I just need it to. One second we’re staring at each other talking about my roommate, and the next his lips are on mine.

The kiss is light. No tongue. No teeth. Just lips pressing against lips. Soft. Nondemanding. It’s almost one of comfort rather than desire. Almost like he…

I pull back quickly, startling him into falling forward from my abrupt movement away from him. My body moves closer toward my door as I play with the seatbelt and stare at my lap. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” I shake my head and buckle in, unable to look at him.

“I thought we were thinking the same thing. But if I crossed a—”

“It’s fine. I don’t…” I lick my lips, staring out the passenger window and trying not to think about the kiss.

He feels sorry for me, that’s all.

But you still let him kiss you.

My chest feels heavy again, panic threatening to absorb into the drumming organ trapped in its cage. But then I repeat those words and remind myself of something important.

I let him kiss me.

It’s enough to inhale for three and let the tightness finally ease with the weighted exhale of my breath. “When Becca convinced me to go to the party you guys were having, I thought it’d be a good chance to become friends with her. To prove to her that I’m not as boring as she thinks I am. But that party…” My head moves back and forth, remembering the little things about that night that I wish I could change.

There’s a lot I can say about that night but choose not to voice. “That party just proved to me that she wasn’t interested in being my friend. The girls I came with left me and the sad thing is I don’t even remember when.”

When I flick my gaze upward to his face, I see confusion. “What do you mean you don’t remember?”

“Can we go, please?”

His hands grip the steering wheel. “No. I want to know what you mean.”

“DJ—”

“It’s Danny to you.”

I file that away for another time. “I got too drunk.” My cheeks warm under the scrutiny of his attention. “I drank way too much and don’t remember much about that night. I don’t remember who I danced with, who I talked to or who I…”