Beautiful Darkness(107)

Running to stand still.

She couldn't get away, and I wouldn't let her. In my last dream, I told her I knew about the trade. I wondered if she had the dream, too — if she knew I shared her secret burden. That she didn't have to carry it alone anymore.

I'm so sorry, L.

I listened for her voice in the corners of my mind, the faintest possibility she was listening. I didn't hear a sound, but I saw something, fleeting images in my peripheral vision. Snapshots rushing past me like cars in the fast lane on the interstate …

I was running, jumping, moving so fast I couldn't focus. Not until my vision adjusted as it had twice before, and I could make out the shapes of trees, leaves, and branches rushing by. At first, all I could hear were the leaves crunching beneath me, the sound of the air as I moved through it. Then I heard voices.

“We have to go back.” It was Lena. I followed the sound into the trees.

“We can't. You know that.”

Sunlight broke easily through the leaves. All I could see were boots — Lena's thrashed ones and John's heavy black ones. They were standing a few feet away.

Then I saw their faces. Lena's expression was stubborn. I knew that look. “Sarafine found them. They could be dead!”

John walked closer and winced, the same way he had when I saw them in the bedroom. It was an involuntary reflex, a reaction to some kind of pain. He looked down into her golden eyes. “Don't you mean Ethan?”

She avoided his gaze. “I mean all of them. Aren't you at least a little worried about Ridley? She disappeared. You don't think those two things could be connected?”

“What two things?”

Lena's shoulders tensed. “My cousin disappearing and Sarafine showing up out of nowhere?”

He reached out and took her hand, lacing his fingers between hers the way I used to. “She's always been somewhere, Lena. Your mother is probably the most powerful Dark Caster in the world. Why would she want to hurt Ridley, one of her own?”

“I don't know.” Lena was shaking her head, her resolve weakening. “It's just …”

“What?”

“Even though we're not together, I don't want to see him get hurt. He tried to protect me.”

“From what?”

From myself.

I heard the words, even though she didn't speak them. “From a lot of things. It was different then.”

“You were pretending to be someone you weren't, trying to make everyone happy. Did you ever think he wasn't protecting you but holding you back?” I could feel my heart beating faster, my muscles tensing.

I was holding him back.

“You know, I had a Mortal girlfriend once.”

Lena looked shocked. “You did?”

John nodded. “Yeah. She was sweet, and I loved her.”

“What happened?” Lena was hanging on every word.

“It was too hard. She didn't understand what my life was like. That I don't always get to do whatever I want …” He sounded like he was telling the truth.

“Why couldn't you do what you wanted?”

“My childhood was what you would call strict. Straitjacket strict. Even the rules had rules.”

Lena looked confused. “You mean about dating Mortals?”

John winced again, cringing this time. “No, it wasn't like that. The way I was raised was because I was different. The man who raised me was the only father I've ever known, and he didn't want me to hurt anyone.”

“I don't want to hurt anyone either.”

“You're different. I mean, we are.”

John grabbed Lena's hand and pulled her next to him. “Don't worry. We'll find your cousin. She probably ran off with that drummer from Suffer.” He was right about the drummer, just not the one he was betting on. Suffer? Lena was hanging out with John's kind, in places called Exile and Suffer. She thought that's what she deserved.

Lena didn't say anything else, but she didn't let go of his hand. I tried to force myself to follow them, but I couldn't. I didn't have control. That much was obvious from this bizarre vantage point, so close to the ground. I was always looking up at them. It didn't make any sense. But it didn't matter, because now I was running again, through a dark tunnel. Or was it a cave? I could smell the sea as the black walls streaked by.

I rubbed my eyes, surprised to be walking behind Liv instead of lying on the ground. It was crazy to think I could be watching Lena in one place and following Liv through the Tunnels at the same time. How was it possible?

The strange visions, with the off-kilter perspective and the flashing images — what was happening? Why was I able to see Lena and John? I had to figure it out.

I looked down at my hands. I wasn't holding anything except the Arclight. I tried to think back to the first time I saw Lena this way. It was in my bathroom, and I didn't have the Arclight then. The only thing I'd been touching was the sink. There had to be a common thread, but I couldn't see it.

Ahead, the tunnel opened up into a stone hall, where the entrances to four tunnels converged.

Link sighed. “Which way?”

I didn't answer. Because when I looked down at the Arclight, I saw something else just beyond it.

Lucille.

Sitting in the mouth of the tunnel opposite us, expectantly. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the silver tag Aunt Prue had given me, with Lucille's name engraved on it. I could still hear Aunt Prue's voice.