Bait: The Wake Series, Book One(99)

“What day we met,” I said before I could lie.

“May 23rd,” he said rather speedily.

“May 23rd,” I repeated. My head spun. Why hadn't I realized that before?

“Yeah, are you telling me you don't remember?” He sounded a little offended. His face was scrunched together and he pulled his sunglasses over his eyes.

“No, I remember I just didn't know the date.”

Why had I done that? It felt so wrong and for all of the wrong reasons. When I should have felt guilty for marrying someone on the exact one-year anniversary of my unfaithfulness, I was disgusted that I was marrying Grant on the anniversary of my first night with Casey.

I was the worst.

“Oh, what does it matter?” he said.

I choked a little, that remark had stung, but he didn't know why. He had no reason to feel obtuse about it, like I did.

“It's my wedding date.”

His jaw ticked. And he deflated back into the seat, pressing harder on the gas petal.

“Congratulations,” he said and we didn't speak again for rest of the drive.

We didn't joke.

We didn't laugh.

I was trapped in my head, and he was trapped in my heart. We were both trapped in that little silver hybrid.

He pulled right up to the curb, but didn't get out. I sat and waited for him to say something. Minutes ticked away, until he put the car in park.

“Say something,” I said.

He turned toward me and gave me a weak smile.

“I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know what you want me to do,” he shouted. “I hate this. I hate that you're marrying him. I hate it, Blake! It. Fucking. Sucks. You. Fucking. Suck.”

“I suck!?” I yelled back. Our voices booming in the small space. “Yeah, you know what? I know I suck. I f*cked up. I f*cked it all up. What did you want me to do?” I asked, trying to lower my voice so that the people walking around outside of the entrance didn't hear.

“I wanted you to tell me you wanted me. Me, Blake. Me!” He hit the steering wheel. “But you never did. You never would. You never will. And I don't know why.”

“What? Where is this coming from? You never wanted a relationship.” I stopped myself before adding you just wanted to f*ck. I remembered how he set me straight the last time I'd accused him of wanting to f*ck-and-run.

“How do you know? I never had the option,” he said, the timbre of his words softer.

“You did, too,” I said under my breath.

He looked at me, but I couldn't see his eyes.

“Take these motherf*ckers off!” I lunged at his glasses and threw them on the dash. Under there was a storm brewing. Green and blue clashing. “There. Now, look at me.”

“I don't know what I should have done differently. I don't know where I misled you. Or why you'd think that I wouldn't. I don't talk to anyone like I talk to you. I don't laugh with anyone like I laugh with you. I don't...” he scrambled for the right word, “God! I haven't had sex with anyone since you. Don't you know that? Don't you know I wanted you?”

“Wanted.”

“I still want you. I always want you. But you want whatever it is that you get from him more. So, it is what it is. Or was. Or what-the-f*ck-ever.” He faced front again. “Micah is waiting for you. Visiting hours are almost over.”

“I think you suck, too,” I added, knowing that the right time to say that had passed, but it had to be said.

We sat there again.

“Let me get my bags out.”

“I'll take them to Cory and Micah's. Just go.”

There really wasn't much more to say. Or there was but we were both too bull-headed to do it. Bull-headed or scared.

So, I left.

The discussion was over.





Sunday, April 26, 2009


SO, I LEFT.

And then I left again. I didn't have to work, but I couldn't be in town. I wouldn't be able to hide from her. I was sure we'd run into each other at the hospital. I'd called Cory that night as I re-packed a fresh bag and told him I was leaving.

“Why don't you finally stick around and fight for her,” he'd said.

“She doesn't want me to.”

“How does she know? I don't think she knows what she wants because you've never shown her what she could have. Man, you chased this girl all over the country for the last year, but you never came out and told her what you really wanted. What was she supposed to think? For a year, you pretended like it was okay she was with this other dude, and now it’s not. That’s convenient.”