Bait: The Wake Series, Book One(142)

“You know I have to go back. I have to deal with this.”

“Why the f*ck do you do this to yourself? Why do you do this to me? Don't you understand how bad this hurts? Fuck!” My temper was back, but this time it was on the defense.

“This hurts me, too!” she shouted. She was in fight mode, just like me. Always fighting on the same side of the argument, but at the same time against each other. “You hurt me, too!” She yelled again.

“Not like this. I don't hurt you like this. He knows about Betty!” That last part fell out with everything else, but it hurt all the same.

“Did you f*ck Aly?” she asked point blank.

“Yes, do you f*ck Grant? Your husband?” I fired back.

“Yes, and you know what? You're going to love this—I made him call me Betty. Just. So. I. Could. Come.”

“You’re a real piece of work. You know that, right?” I scolded. “I don’t even know why I fight with you anymore. I never win.”

I rolled down the window and whistled loud enough to get Andy’s attention. He was chatting with the valet near the door.

He walked out and I said, “We’re going to the airport.”

He tipped his hat and got in the driver’s seat.

There was no point in arguing. Everything had been said.

When we arrived at the departure terminal, I watched her hand touch, let go, and then touch the door handle again. I saw the hesitation, but there wasn’t anything that I had left to give.

Blake looked at me, there were no tears in her eyes and she smiled.

“Casey, I love you so much that it ruins me. It cripples me and wrecks my sanity. But, I do, I love you so much that it blinds me to right and wrong. But I’m not free. I can’t give you my heart until it’s mine. But you can bet your life on it, I will.”

I turned my head and looked away. Her words were both acid and salve on my shredded heart. I was so tired.

Time would tell.

She got out of the car, and Andy helped with her bags.

I thought that she’d already walked off, that was the only reason I stole a look in the direction of the doors. But she hadn’t, she was pulling something out of her bag. She knocked on the window, and I reached her direction, pressing the button of it to descend.

She tossed a piece of paper into the car and walked away.

Like a masochist, I watched her go.

When she was deep inside the doors and I couldn’t see her through the people walking around anymore, I pulled out my phone.

I read a message that she’d sent earlier.

Honeybee: Are you trying to hurt me?

I looked at the time. It was midnight on the dot. Another New Year, another new day.

Me: Our pain and our love are one and the same. I’ll wait for you. Probably, forever if that’s what it takes.

Delete.

Me: Happy 2010. Goodbye.

…The Bait





To you,


I’m sitting here this morning making wishes on waves.

I’m on my honeymoon, yet I can only think of you. Of us. I wish I could talk to you right now, but we both know I never say the things that I should. Or maybe I do, but just to the wrong people.

I’ve used the excuse that we met in a bar, and that we were only a one-night stand, but you know me. It turns out that I’m a liar. Because the truth is, we’ve met lots of places. And no matter how hard I fought not to, I fell in love with you every single time.

I made a mistake when I said my wedding vows, because my heart had already promised them all to you. And you deserve someone who isn’t afraid to tell the whole world how sacred a feeling it is being loved by you.

I wish that someday that someone is me. The whole me. All of the parts of me. Because you’re the only one who’s ever seen them and it’s a crime that I’ve made you feel like they weren’t yours all along.

You asked me once what parts of you I wanted. I’m selfish because I want them all. I want to find new parts of you and plant flags with my name on them.

If the saying “you hurt the ones you love the most” is true, then I wish I could love you less so that loving me wasn’t so hard.

We fight. And we fight hard. I’ve only just realized that we were on the same side. And I’m rooting for us.

I don’t know how I’m going to do it, and it might take me the rest of my life, but I’ll see to it that you and that bait of yours catch this fish.