Bad Mommy(25)

I was standing in front of the various bottles of white and dark rum when Darius texted me.

Thanks for the offer. Maybe another time?

Was it you or Jolene that didn’t want to go out? I texted back.

Errr … me?

That’s what I thought, I shot back.

I was so annoyed I stuck my phone in my back pocket without waiting to see if he’d answer me, then I grabbed a bottle of Captain Morgan Private Selection and a six-pack of Coke, and marched to the register. The clerk asked me if that was all, and I told him to throw in a pack of Capri Slims. The ones in the pink box like Jolene bought. I grabbed a pack of matches from the little ashtray next to the register and told him to keep the change. I’d never told anyone to keep the change before, but they said that in the movies. I didn’t bother waiting till I got home to sample my purchases. I opened a can of Coke as soon as I climbed in the car and chugged a quarter of it down. Unscrewing the cap from the Captain, I replaced the Coke with rum and swirled it around to mix it. I took a sip. Vile. Straight rum. I was too upset to be choosy. I smoked one of the Capris as I sipped on my drink, watching the cars drive by. I was about to pull out of my parking spot when I saw that I had a missed call from Jolene. That shocked me. Maybe she changed her mind and wanted to go out after all. I check my voicemails, but she didn’t leave one. I decided to call her back.

“Hey, hey,” she said.

I kept my voice neutral and responded with a curt, “Hello.”

“I saw you leave, just wanted to make sure you’re okay?”

She saw me leave? Had she been watching me through the window?

“You kind of sped out of the neighborhood like you were involved in a car chase,” she said, softly. “Just wanted to make sure…”

“I’m not near any train tracks,” I shot back. “If that’s what you’re hinting at.”

“No, no, no,” she said, quickly. “That’s not what I meant.” Though we both knew that’s exactly what she meant.

“Darius and I were thinking we could do a double date with you guys next week.” Her voice dropped off as she waited for me to react. I rolled my eyes.

“Sure, sounds great. What day are you thinking?”

She told me Thursday night because that’s when her mom could watch Mercy, and we made plans to meet at their place at seven.

“Seven?” I asked. “Are you sure you don’t want to do eight?”

“Nah,” she said. “Mom wants to spend some time with Mercy.”

I took a giant sip of my Captain and Coke and we ended our call with the polite, sweet voices of women who could barely stand each other.



My stomach dropped when I walked down the sidewalk on Thursday night and saw Amanda’s car parked in the Averys’ drive. I was coming alone. I needed a little break from … my other life. Jolene’s friends had a natural suspicion anytime someone new was introduced into the group. They gave you the hard eye, evaluating exactly what it was she saw in you. I consoled myself with the fact that it was Amanda, it could be worse. I wished I hadn’t taken so long to choose the purple sheath dress I was wearing. It always gave you the advantage to be the person greeting people into a room rather than being the one greeted. Jolene had texted earlier and told me to come in without ringing the bell. When I opened the door, I was greeted by the sound of laughter. I felt jealous that they’d started without me, but I wiped my face clean of emotion and stepped inside.

“Fig!” someone called out. “We’re in the kitchen.”

Jolene peeked her head around the doorway, a brilliant smile on her face. I edged my way around the living room, bracing myself for the onslaught of eyes. What I saw when I turned the corner was Jolene crouching in front of the dishwasher wearing my dress. At the very least it wasn’t purple, she was wearing the black option I’d debated over for hours. Purple or black? Purple or black? In the end I’d settled on the purple because it was less funeral and more summer. Now, seeing Jolene in the black, I was doubting my decision. The dress made you notice her more, but it came secondary to what you knew was underneath the fabric. I smiled weakly, expecting everyone to comment right away on our fashion mishap, but no one seemed to notice as they said hello.

I’m wearing the same dress as her, I wanted to scream. Are you people blind?

Jolene asked what I wanted to drink.

“Whatever you’re having,” I said. She left to pour me a gin and tonic, and Amanda came over to say hi.

“You look so great,” she exclaimed.

Normally, I’d be weary of a compliment from another woman, who often only gave compliments to either point out a flaw: You look great, not at all fat like you used to be. Or: You look great, have you lost weight? I lost weight too, can you tell? But she left it at that, moving the topic to warm weather and then my work. And I did look great. She handed my drink and the ice rattled against the glass. I cast a sideways glance at Jolene, who was standing next to Darius. His arm was wrapped casually around her waist, and it looked like his thumb was playing with the line of her panties through her dress. I wasn’t wearing any panties; he’d be more fulfilled doing that to me. She wasn’t near as skinny as I was.

Like the universe was out to sting me, Amanda said, “I love your dress, Jolene, you look like a sex kitten.”