Bad Mommy(23)

“What?” She looked surprised that I was still there.

“Mercy and Darius…”

“I don’t know. Goodnight, Fig.”

I was disoriented for a second, not knowing which direction to walk to get to the gate. Did she just dismiss me after I spent an hour sympathizing with her? I was worried about her. I came over to see if she was all right, and all she did was dismiss me in the end. That’s exactly the type of friend she was. And why was I surprised? She’d stolen her friend’s boyfriend, after all. My last thought as I climbed into bed, exhausted and smelling of cigarettes, was about Darius and Mercy. They deserved better.



I did not see the Averys for two whole weeks. That’s a lie. I saw them getting into Darius’s car on Sunday, a chipper happy family, Jolene carrying a casserole dish. And on Monday, I saw them out the back window eating dinner around the picnic table in the garden, Darius and Mercy sword fighting with corn on the cob, and Jolene laughing and taking pictures. And on Wednesday, I saw them taking a walk, holding Mercy’s hands and swinging her between them every few steps. On Thursday, Darius brought a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of red wine home, and later that night I heard them making love through their open bedroom window. Friday, I didn’t see them at all.

I drew my curtains and lay in the dark, listening to Barbra Streisand sing “Woman in Love” and feeling lower than I had in a long time. What was I upset about anyway? Jolene’s dismissive attitude? Darius not seeking me out or inviting me over for dinner? Or was it because it had been two weeks since I’d seen my little Mercy? I was about to roll over and order a pizza when a text pinged on my phone. My heart started racing as soon as I saw her name. Well, speak of the devil, I thought smugly, typing in the password to my phone.

He texted me.

It took me a minute to figure out who he was. Ding! Ding! Ding!

Who texted you? I sent back, playing dumb.

Ryan, the guy I met up with a few weeks ago.

“Ryan,” I said it out loud. We now had a name.

Well, what took him so long? I asked. Then, thinking I needed to add something to keep things light, I added a smiley face emoji.

He sent me a couple songs he likes, said he hopes they help me write.

I could feel her panic through the phone. She obviously wanted perspective on what this Ryan guy was doing. I immediately looked him up on Instagram, searching through the people she followed to find him. He was vastly different from Darius; edgy, with one of those hairstyles that was shaved on the sides, leaving a long strip of hair down the middle of his head. He had tattoos and he liked to wear purple. He matched her, sort of like the way I matched Darius. Most of his posts were of nature, or the downtown area of wherever he lived, with the occasional serious-faced selfie thrown in.

That’s really nice. I sent back. Songs any good?

Yeah, I guess.

I felt her slipping away with that one. If I wanted her to keep talking to me I was going to have to tell her what she wanted to hear.

He’s totally into you and he doesn’t even care that you’re married. Kind of hot.

Her text pinged back a moment later. That’s what scares me. He didn’t ask about Darius at all, and when I tried to bring him up he’d change the subject. He just wanted to talk about me and my writing.

I rolled onto my stomach and chewed on my lip. Does Darius ask about your writing?

No

He cares about you. Nothing wrong with that.

She stopped texting me after that, and when I looked out the back window I saw her playing in the garden with Mercy. I’d given her something to think about, though.

I decided to reach out to Darius and see how he was doing. I sent him a meme from one of his favorite movies, which also happened to be one of my favorite movies. Jolene had rolled her eyes when we’d made these confessions at the dinner table, citing that her favorite movie was The House of Sand and Fog. I’d wanted to tell her to take a chill pill, lighten up, but then Darius beat me to it, calling The House of Sand and Fog morbidly depressing.

Clueless? Jolene had shot back. That’s both of yours favorite movie? What type of morons do I associate with? There was humor in her voice, but we all knew she was a little serious too. It was funny how quickly you could get to know someone’s personality if you were really trying.

Darius and I had exchanged a look while she ranted about pop culture and how it was destroying people’s taste in quality. It’s oookay to like it, she said, but that shouldn’t be all you like.

He texted back right away with a LOL.

And then:

Would you call me selfish?

No, not to your face.

I knew right there that he was talking about Jolene, and I silently agreed. She wanted everyone to rise to her standards, and take themselves seriously. It was exhausting, and we were both victims of her overbearing judgment. I was delighted when he texted back and asked if I’d seen Magnolia, another one of his favorite movies. When I told him no, he insisted that I borrow his copy, and told me to come pick it up tonight. My heart was pounding by the time I set my phone aside and climbed out of bed.

The good news was—I no longer felt depressed. The bad news—I’d put on at least three pounds in the last few days, and I wanted them off. As I pulled on my workout clothes, I remembered the first time I came to the Averys’, how I’d pretended to jog down the sidewalk and been winded. Those days were long behind me. I examined my svelte figure in the mirror. Who knew I was so tiny under all of that flesh I’d been collecting? I was far skinnier than Jolene, who with large breasts and a round rear erred on the curvy side. Maybe that’s what Darius liked, but no, I thought, Darius was a worldly man. He had broad taste in all things, not conforming to one style or type.