Back to You(35)

Lauren put her pen down, not even attempting to take notes anymore as she thought of her dinner with him the other day. The whole time she sat across from him, she had to focus intently on maintaining her carefully cultivated fa?ade. She could feel how effortless it would have been to fall right back into things with him, how simple it would have been to pretend there were no missed years in between, to pretend that nothing had ever gone wrong between them.
But she fought to stay guarded, because allowing herself to be vulnerable with him again would have been a very dangerous—and stupid—thing for her to do.
So she sat across from him, battling her instincts to let him back in, yet refusing to address what was preventing her from doing it in the first place.
Lauren sighed and shook her head: here she was, a future psychologist, blatantly guilty of suppression.
And just like that, it hit her.
She wasn’t going to avoid it anymore.
She was doing the very thing that caused him so much additional suffering. She knew it wasn’t healthy for him, so what made her think it would be healthy for her?
She needed to talk to him. Really talk to him. She knew that now.
The only thing she didn’t know was why.
What did she hope to gain from talking it out with him? Did she want the answers Jenn claimed she was entitled to? Did she even need closureIf you really want something, you shouldn, le after all this time?
Or did she just want her friend back?
If it was about friendship, she knew she couldn’t have the latter without the former. They could never truly be friends again without her understanding what had gone wrong between them.
So if she was going to let him back into her life, then she would need answers. They would have to talk about what happened, regardless of how awkward or unpleasant it would be, so that she could move on and not just pretend that she had.
Maybe they could both move on.
A small smile curved Lauren’s lips at the realization that they could potentially rekindle their friendship.
She missed it.
She missed him.
Even when she was pretending she wasn’t hurt, she never pretended not to miss him.
With newfound determination, Lauren picked up her pen and resumed taking notes off the front board.
She could just hear Jenn’s reaction to the idea of forming a friendship with Michael Delaney again, and she couldn’t help but smile.
Because if Jenn considered being an adult and moving on “selective amnesia,” well, then that would be her problem.

“Lauren Monroe?”
Lauren looked up from her seat in the waiting room, her brow already furrowed. It wasn’t the voice she’d been expecting.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Lawrence. I’ll be taking care of you today,” said an older gentleman with a polite smile. He wore light green scrubs, not Adam’s usual dark blue, and his graying hair and little potbelly were the embodiment of what Jenn had pictured when Lauren first told her she had a crush on her chiropractor.
“Oh,” Lauren said, clearly taken aback, and she hesitantly placed the magazine she’d been reading on the table in front of her as she stood.
“Right this way,” he said, turning and walking into one of the exam rooms behind them.
Lauren felt the slight anxiety begin in her chest as she followed this new doctor into the room.
“Um, is Dr. Wells out sick?” she asked with strained casualness.
“No, he transferred you this morning. You’ll be finishing up the remainder of your therapy with me.”
Lauren froze, and Dr. Lawrence must have noticed the look on her face.
“He didn’t mention this to you?”
She shook her head, silent.
“I apologize then. I thought he’d gone over the switch with you. Let me assure you though, I’ve thoroughly acquainted myself with your information and your therapy plan, and I’m well versed in all the procedures Dr. Wells has been using with you. I’m fully comfortable in going forward as long as you are.”
Lauren swallowed and nodded, too focused on her own insecurities to even acknowledge her anxiety over having another doctor work on her.
Had she done something wrong? She honestly thought the flirting had been mutual. Things had never gotten inappropriate; it had all been so harmless.
At least, she thought it had been harmless.
She laid down on the table, her mind so lost in her own self-doubt that she forgot to panic as the new doctor adjusted her.If you really want something, you shouldn, le
When Lauren left the office twenty minutes later, she was still in a fog of humiliation. She approached her car, mindlessly digging in her purse for her keys, and she found herself trying to come up with an excuse to discontinue her therapy there.