Bachelor at Her Bidding (Bachelor Auction Book 2)(40)

Marietta was definitely not a hick town. It was a thriving place where people actually cared about each other and started new businesses. “Her opinion,” Rachel said, “doesn’t make it fact.”

“Yeah.” Ryan swallowed hard. “Whatever I did, I was going to let someone down – but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d just dumped Gram in a nursing home and left it to someone else to look after her when it was my place to do it. So I came home to Marietta and found a job at Grey’s. Reese Kendrick has been good to me and allowed me a lot of flexibility whenever Gram’s been ill. He’s let me change my shifts at late notice, and a couple of times I’ve even made desserts for the saloon in my own kitchen and he’s sent a courier over to collect them.”

Because Marietta looked after its own.

“For what it’s worth,” she said softly, “I think you did the right thing – for Phyllis and for you.” And it was exactly what she would’ve done if anyone in her family had needed her. When Susie had had the twins, Rachel had taken a couple of weeks’ annual leave to come and help take care of them. That was what family did. “Obviously Lucille didn’t change her mind?”

“No. She went ahead with the restaurant without me. It got a little messy when it came to dealing with the apartment – we’d put it on the market and intended to use the capital as the down payment on the restaurant. In the end I gave in and let her give me less than my fair share of the apartment, because I just wanted out. I needed to be home and it was pointless dragging things out in Bozeman.”

“But now Phyllis does need residential care,” Rachel pointed out gently. “And I’m not saying that as someone who’s – who was,” she amended swiftly, “emotionally involved with you. I’m saying that with my professional hat on. Dr. Majors thought you might take it better from me.”

“Yeah. Except I didn’t. And I’m sorry.” He rubbed a hand across his eyes. “I guess I really knew that when you told me, but I didn’t want to face it. Jolene made me see that Gram needed more than I could give her – she needs a place where they can do physical therapy and other stuff that I can’t do.” He grimaced and shook his head. “But it still feels as if I’m dumping her and letting her down.”

“No, you’re doing the right thing by her. You’re making sure she has a safe place to live that fits her needs. As the months go on she’ll need more personal care and I know you’d do that for her, but this way she also gets to keep her dignity instead of feeling that she’s a burden on her grandson.”

“She’s not a burden. I’ve never seen her as a burden.”

“I know that, and I’m not saying she is.” She sighed. “It’s complicated. There are lots of feelings involved, and sometimes the right thing feels like the wrong thing – but actually it turns out to be OK in the end.”

“Maybe.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I’ve been stubborn about this and I’ve made people suffer when they shouldn’t have done. I don’t mean Lucille – I mean Gram, and I mean you.” He looked her straight in the eye. “Rachel, I’ve been hugely unfair, and I guess it was because I was scared that I used Gram’s illness as a barrier. I know you’re not Lucille and you would never have given me an ultimatum, the way she did. You were giving me good advice both as a medical professional and a friend. And I threw it back in your face and treated you incredibly badly.”

Yes. But at least he was acknowledging it now, and they could move on. “Now you’ve told me what happened with Lucille, I can understand why you reacted the way you did.”

“So can we start again?”

That was the crunch question.

It would be oh, so easy to say yes.

But what about the next time they hit a stumbling block? How could she be sure that Ryan wouldn’t react badly and close off from her again?

She shook her head. “I don’t think I can do that. You hurt me, Ryan, and I can’t risk that happening again.”

“It won’t happen again.”

“You don’t know that, and neither do I,” she said, “so the answer’s still no. We can be friends, yes, but I’m not laying my heart open again. I’m not getting emotionally involved with anyone, ever again.”

“Rachel –”

She put her hands up in the age-old stop signal. “No. You know the saying about once bitten, twice shy? Well, I’ve been twice bitten and now I know much better. I’m sorry, Ry. I can’t do it.”

*

She had a point, he knew that.

But he had no words, no gestures to make her believe him that it would be different in the future.

So all he could do was apologize for the last time and leave. And hope against hope that he could find a way to persuade her to change her mind.





Chapter Ten




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Ryan knew that Rachel wasn’t going to forgive him – at least, not right now, and not easily.

How could he make her realize that he was serious and he’d meant every word he said?

The one thing he was really good at was his work. Maybe that was the way to her heart: wooing her by cake.

Or maybe that was just too cheesy and clichéd.