Bachelor at Her Bidding (Bachelor Auction Book 2)(38)

Jolene placed her hand on his arm. “Honey, you’ve been brilliant, but your grandmother is going to start needing care right round the clock.”

“I can do that. She brought me up and she was there for me when I needed her. So now I’ll be there for her.”

She shook her head. “Ry, it’s too much for one person. She’s responding to therapy but her mobility is poor – and that means she’s more likely to have a fall and really hurt herself.”

“I’ll make sure I’m with her and she uses a walking frame when she walks,” Ryan said stubbornly.

“But you can’t be there every second of the day. It’ll kill you. And I know you love her, so you need to do what’s best for her now and let her have professional help,” Jolene said. “We don’t know how long she’ll have left with you. It could be months, or it could be years. But in her shoes I’d want to spend time with you as my grandson, not as my career. I wouldn’t want to be a burden.”

“She won’t be a burden to me. I’ve never thought of her as a burden.” He frowned. “I thought you understood that.”

“Ry, just think about it. Think about it as if you were her and she was you,” Jolene said. “How would you feel?”

“I’m not dumping her in a nursing home.” He lifted his chin. “When my parents died, my grandparents could’ve said no, they couldn’t cope with bringing up a young boy, and they could’ve put me in foster care. But they didn’t. They were there for me, And I’m not sending my grandmother away.”

“It’s not the same thing,” Jolene said gently. “As her dementia gets worse over time – and it’s a condition that doesn’t get better, Ryan – she’s going to need more medical care. The kind of therapy you’re not trained to give.”

“I can learn now to do it,” he said.

“Honey, there’s no question about how much you love her and how you want to do your best for her. But the situation’s changed since she had that stroke. Doing your best for her now means letting her live somewhere else, and visiting with her so she can enjoy her time with you.” She patted his arm. “Think about it. Talk it over with Rachel. Ask her opinion as a doctor.”

Rachel – who’d said exactly the same thing to him.

And instead of seeing the warm, caring woman who’d been there for him every step of the way since his grandmother’s mini-stroke, Ryan had gone back to the way Lucille had tried to push him into dumping his grandmother in a home to suit her needs.

Rachel had had Phyllis’s best interests at heart, not her own.

And instead of understanding that, he’d remembered Lucille’s behavior, assumed that Rachel was the same, pushed her away and stormed off.

“Uh-huh,” he said, and left the day care center with a heavy heart.

Supposing Jolene, Rachel and all the professionals were right about this?

Supposing he was being too stubborn and now he was putting his own needs before his grandmother’s – he wanted so much to care for her the way she’d cared for him as a child that he’d missed the point that she needed more care than he was able to give her?

His head spun. And, when he looked at the situation, he really didn’t like himself very much. Lucille had hurt him, and that had left him scared of being hurt again. He’d used his grandmother as an excuse not to get close to anyone, and he’d used her as an excuse to push Rachel away. In the process he’d really hurt Rachel. Hurt her enough that she hadn’t even tried to call or text him since the fight.

He needed to talk to her.

To apologize.

To see if they could start all over again.

He headed into town and bought an armful of flowers. And then he went to Rachel’s office.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Cassidy doesn’t have any appointments left for today,” Shannon, the receptionist, told him.

“I’m not here for an appointment,” he said. “I just need to see her. And I’m happy to wait here until she’s finished seeing her last patient.”

“I’m not sure I can authorize that,” Shannon said.

He smiled wryly. “I imagine half the town knows that Dr. Cassidy and I had a…” He might as well be honest about it. “A fight,” he said. “For the record, it was completely my fault, and I want to apologize to her. Starting with these.”

Shannon looked wary. “I’m really not sure she’ll see you.”

“Then don’t tell her I’m here. I’ll just wait,” Ryan said. “And then if you can give me the nod when her last patient leaves, I’ll tackle her myself. I’ll tell her I insisted and it’s not your fault, so she won’t be angry with you.”

“Dr. Cassidy’s kind,” Shannon said. “She’s sweet and she’ll help anyone.”

Ryan knew what the receptionist was trying to say. That she didn’t want him to go in there and upset Rachel any more than he already had. “I know. And I also know I hurt her, because I was an idiot and I didn’t listen to her properly,” he said softly. “I’m not going to make things worse. I just need to talk to her.”

“OK,” Shannon said finally. “But I’m staying here.”