At the Crossroads (Buckhorn, Montana #3)(52)

For just a few minutes, he’d had a son.

“Culhane? Are you all right?” Alexis asked and got to her feet to come to him.

“Jana was at the ranch to have a baby and give it up for adoption.” He shook his head and quickly added, “It wasn’t mine.”

He slowly pocketed the phone, still in shock. He’d done the math again in his head. There was no mistake. “Jana had the baby on March 9.” A wave of conflicting emotions rolled through him. “He couldn’t have been mine.” He found himself battling both disappointment and relief. Relief because he hadn’t missed more than six years of his child’s life. Disappointment because no child of his had existed.

Alexis quickly stepped to him, putting her arms around him. She pulled him close, and he closed his eyes, feeling an ache in his chest. For a few moments, he’d had a son. He hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted it to be true.

“Let’s go to bed,” she said. Crawling into bed in the nightshirt she’d brought with her, she picked up the remote and began to flip through the stations. The game he’d been watching was over, not that he would have been able to concentrate on the score now, anyway.

“My favorite Christmas movie is starting,” she said, looking over at him as he pulled on a pair of briefs and climbed in beside her, sex no longer at the forefront of his thoughts.

“It’s a Wonderful Life?” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it.”

“Seriously?” She was looking at him as if he’d grown three heads. “How is that possible? Didn’t you ever watch Christmas movies over the holidays? I would think your mother—”

THE MINUTE THE words were out of her mouth, she realized her mistake. “I’m sorry. I just thought—”

“That I would have seen it with my mother?” He shook his head. “We spent more time in the kitchen around Christmas. My mother loved to bake and decorate holiday cakes and cookies. We often had a lot of friends over during the holidays. It was always busy at the ranch.”

She couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for him to lose his mother and then the ranch and his father, too. The movie began. Culhane put an arm around her, and they snuggled together. She had seen the movie dozens of times but never tired of it.

Except her mind kept wandering back to waking to the bad news, Buckhorn, the café, the brush with death and the news about Jana and the baby. Mostly she kept coming back to Culhane’s reaction to Jana’s baby not being his. He’d looked more than disappointed; he’d looked heartbroken. She told herself that she’d misunderstood since he’d been clear about not wanting children.

She was completely distracted by her thoughts and not paying attention to the movie at all. What if they didn’t find Jana? What if the law caught up to them? Christmas was nearing. Her mother had left a message asking about their plans. It would be her first Christmas with Culhane. They’d planned to spend at least part of it with her parents. She needed to call them. By now they would have heard the news about Alexis being wanted by the law. She doubted she would be able to sleep a wink.

CULHANE WATCHED THE movie credits roll. Alexis was right. It was a great movie. He felt a little choked up, not that he would admit it. He glanced over to find her sound asleep. When had she drifted off?

He smiled to himself. He’d been so content with her head resting against his shoulder, his arm around her, he hadn’t noticed that she hadn’t been watching the movie with him.

Carefully, he turned off the television and the lamp beside the bed, not wanting to disturb her. He loved watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. So beautiful. Like someone without a care in the world.

Maybe before she’d gotten involved with him that was true. But not anymore. He’d pulled her into his orbit and his mess. She sighed in her sleep and turned to spoon against him. He thought about how her body had changed. He hadn’t seen that with Jana because she hadn’t let him get close to her.

But with Alexis, he knew that body better than his own. He’d warned her when they’d first started dating that he didn’t do marriage or babies. It had been a stupid thing to tell her, but the memory of being burned by Jana had left scars. That and his upbringing after twelve.

What a fool he was, he thought now. He thought about earlier when there’d been a chance that he had a son. It had made him realize the truth. He did want children with Alexis. With her, he could let himself believe in the fairy tale of happily-ever-after. Just the thought of her as his wife and of a house and the patter of little feet made him ache for just that. After what had happened when his mother died, the way his father had dealt with it and then Jana and their so-called marriage, he really had thought it wasn’t for him.

But then along came Alexis. He brushed a lock of her hair back from her forehead. She smiled in her sleep, her lips turning up at the corners. She snuggled into him and fell back into a deep sleep. She’d changed his life. He thought about the engagement ring he’d purchased over a month ago. He’d planned to pop the question at Christmas.

What he hadn’t planned on was his past coming back to haunt him. Now he was wanted for murder, and if he couldn’t find Jana... He might not get the chance to ask Alexis to marry him.

He reached under the covers to place a warm hand on her slightly rounded stomach. He closed his eyes, imagining a future with this woman and the child she was carrying. He held that image as he welcomed sleep, even with its demons that he would have to battle.