Angel in Scarlet (Bound and Determined #4)(13)
“No, he did not.” That still didn’t mean that she understood any of this.
“I can tell you are not convinced.” Ruby pushed the tray of pastries closer. “Have another and we will discuss the next important thing.”
“Which is?”
“What you want. What you imagine happening. You bared your breasts in a place where you could have been caught, and from the flush in your cheeks I believe you enjoyed it. What do you want next?”
“I’ve told you: I want to have Colton ask me to marry him.”
“That is not next; that is several steps, if not miles, down the road. How far are you willing to go on your next encounter? You have told him you will do whatever he wants. Do you mean that?”
“I think so?”
“Do you hear the question in your voice? If you are going to do this, you must be sure. And you must know your own limits. Are you proposing to lose your virginity to Colton?”
She could only stare at Ruby.
Ruby took another sip of tea. “And don’t tell me that you don’t know. You must make that decision. I cannot believe you have not considered it. If you do not wish to take such a drastic step, there is still plenty that can be done, but you must know. And if you do decide to take that step, you must also decide what you want afterward. Do you plan to actually marry Colton—and if not, do you plan to marry another man, and do you plan to lie to your new husband about it? You do not need to tell me the answer, or at least not yet. If you do decide to travel that path, there are practical matters we should discuss. I will not judge you, not that I have any right to judge. I have always thought our world’s beliefs about virginal brides are hypocritical and rather pointless. I’ve wondered if I should write an essay on the subject—not that I think I could find a publisher. Perhaps when I retire I shall write a memoir. But I stray from my subject. You must decide what you want and then you must let Colton know.”
Angela swallowed and then took a large gulp of her own tea, almost choking. “I will do that,” she said when she could speak freely again.
“Good. Then let us move on to less practical but still extremely important matters.”
That sounded good. “Such as?”
“How to make you believe in yourself. How to make you understand your own attraction, because that is the key to all.”
“I am not sure…”
Ruby stood. “I am a woman of only moderate attraction. Oh, I know how to package it well.” She ran a hand over her lush hips. “But I believe that I am a creature of great allure, and so men find me so.”
Angela examined Ruby, trying to see what she was talking about.
“It is all a matter of presentation. In any ballroom you would find at least a half dozen women more beautiful than I, but men will not see that. They will see the way I stand. They will see the way I move, and they will believe. I will make them want me simply because I believe that they should.”
“Surely it cannot be that easy.”
“Believing in yourself is never easy.”
Well, that was certainly true. “I still…”
“Now, stand up and try. Imagine that Colton is across the room. Walk to him, let him stare at you—and all the time know that you are captivating.”
“I don’t think—”
“Don’t think; just do it.”
Angela stood and tried—she tried hard. But every time she began to walk, she simply felt silly. She was no seductress. “It all feels like a huge game of pretend.”
Ruby chuckled low in her throat. “That is exactly what it is. Give in to it. Next time you are with Colton, forget the situation and imagine that it is your deepest fantasy, imagine that everything is exactly as you want it to be—and then just play and have fun. The more you want, the more he will want. Now, walk again.”
Deepest fantasy. Angela remembered the look in Colton’s eyes the night before. That was fantasy. She pulled in a breath, feeling her breasts press against her demure day gown. She took a step, and then another, imagining that dark glow of desire, imagining his lips drawing tight and then parting, imagining the feel of his breath against her skin. She stumbled slightly.
Confusion filled her. She wanted him to feel desire, not to feel it herself. She was trying to free herself from the cage of her memories, not to build more.
But perhaps Ruby was right: The only way to make Colton feel desire was to demonstrate her own. She walked forward, giving in to her body’s response to her thoughts. Slow. Liquid. Filled with want.
“Yes, I think you’re learning!” Ruby exclaimed, nodding her to a chair. “Now we must discuss what you are going to do next and how you will do it while letting Colton believe that he is the hunter. Men do much prefer to chase than to be chased.”
It was impossible to keep up with how quickly Ruby’s mind moved. “I don’t know. I am not even sure when I’ll see him again.”
“We can figure that out—and then I will give you a few more ideas about just what Colton may like, and tonight you can work on building fantasies about them as you fall asleep. Listen carefully.”
—
Angela spread her skirts about her and stared at the water of the Serpentine. The skirts were thick and heavy, which was lucky considering how much dew clung to the grass this early in the morning. She was not at all sure that Ruby was right about this being the logical next step. Surely Colton would realize she had come here to meet him—as they had met so often in the past when he was courting her. It wasn’t as if she were in the habit of sitting in the park before the sun was fully up in the sky.