Always You(54)

“How’s your headache, honey?” she asked, her brow creased with concern.

“Better,” I said, a wave of guilt washing over me. There had been no headache. I just needed an excuse to spend time with Mary. There was so much I wanted to know.

“Can I get you anything? A soda? A tea?”

I shook my head, curling up in one of the armchairs, my legs under me. I had no idea of how to broach the subject of the disease.

“Would you like to chat?” she asked gently.

I smiled and nodded.

She sat down in the chair next to me. “You’re a strong girl, Wrenn. I know this feels overwhelming, but cherish the time you do have with him.”

“What was it like? Watching your husband suffer?” That was the thing most on my mind, and something only she could answer.

“Awful. It was hard. And as bad as it was for me, I know it was worse for him.” She took a deep breath, and then sighed. “Losing Derek was horrible, but I am thankful for the wonderful years we had together.”

“Did he suffer?” I asked softly.

“The last few months were hard for him. I’m sure he was suffering, but by then he had trouble communicating...” Her voice trailed off as tears filled her eyes. I felt bad for bringing it up. “You can’t control who you love, Wrenn and I think you know that better than anyone. If I’d known about Derek’s illness, it wouldn’t have changed anything. My love for him wouldn’t have disappeared. The only thing that might have changed was that we wouldn’t have had Dalton.”

The power of her words hit me. Out of the tragedy of her husband’s disease Dalton was born, and had she known about it, they wouldn’t have risked having him. You can’t live life waiting for things to go wrong, because then you’re not really living. Everyone is going to die. That is part of the journey of living. What matters most is living each day you do have like it might be your last.

I stood up and hugged Mary, glad for her support, and knowledge. Whatever tomorrow bought, I was determined to be there for him. Because even just one day with him would be worth it.





Chapter Thirty-Two


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Dalton

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The test was a simple DNA blood test. My blood was sent to a lab where it was analyzed to determine whether I carried the disease. If I did carry it, then there was no doubt that I would develop it.

“What does this even mean?” Wrenn muttered, throwing the brochure back onto the side table. We were sitting in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. I leaned forward and picked it up, sensing her frustration. She was nervous. We both were. I was shitting myself.

“The genetics of the disease are pretty complicated. Basically the disease is a genetic malfunction in the brain. It’s the same message getting repeated over and over and not getting through to the parts of the body that need it. See here?” I pointed to the reference of the CAG genetic mutation. She nodded. “So if this repeats less than thirty-five times, then it’s all good. If it repeats more than forty times, then not so good. The higher the number of repeats, the earlier the disease will develop.”

“And it’s usually worse with each generation?” she asked.

I nodded. “Not always, but usually.”

Wrenn studied the brochure. “What if this gene repeats, say thirty-six times?” she asked suddenly.

“If it’s less than thirty-nine, but higher than thirty-four, it’s likely the disease will develop. I think its something like a seventy percent chance I’ll show symptoms by the time I’m seventy.”

“So even after all of this, there is a chance you won’t have a conclusive answer?” she demanded.

I nodded.

“Then what’s the point? Why are you doing all this if there is a chance it won’t give you the answers you want?”

“Because no matter how small, if there is a chance I don’t have this, that I’ll never have this, I want to know about it. I want you to know about it.” I sighed. This was so f*cking hard. I struggled to think of what to say to her. How could I make her understand?

How could I put into words what I was feeling?

“Not knowing might as well be the same as knowing that I have this. It’s always there, Wrenn. All these what ifs in the back of my mind, they don’t go away. I don’t want you to have to live that life too. If you’re in this, then great, but you’re at least going to know what it is exactly you’re in for.”

“I’ve already told you I’m in,” she said with a frown, reaching for my hand.

“And I’ve told you that any decision you make before we know for sure, I won’t accept,” I said pointedly.

She rolled her eyes at me.

“It’s a big decision, Wrenn. If I have this, I can’t change that. But you have a choice. I never want you to feel like you don’t have a choice.”

“Dalton Reid?”

I looked up. The doctor stood in the hallway outside his consulting room. I nodded and stood, Wrenn rising with me. She clutched my hand tightly. She was shaking. I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it came out more like a grimace.

We followed him into his office. I studied his face, looking for answers but he was giving nothing away. He would make an awesome poker player.