All I Believe (Firsts and Forever, #10)(60)
“I’m not in the mood for a party.”
“I know, but look at it this way: you can get really drunk and I’ll be your designated driver. Plus, going out and being social will get everyone off your back. You have to be tired of your family hovering and asking how you are every five minutes. Besides, you like Chance, and this party is a big deal to him. You should be there.”
“I look like hell,” I said, running a hand over a few days’ worth of razor stubble and glancing down at my wrinkled clothes.
“Beards are in now. Grab your shoes and let’s go.”
I hesitated for a long moment. I really wanted to stay home, but Jessie had been right on every count. I especially wanted to put in an appearance for my friend Chance’s sake. He and his boyfriend had just bought their first home, which I knew was a dream come true for both of them, and this party really was a big deal. Finally I said, “Yeah, okay,” and stepped back into my room, where I threw on a coat and stuffed my feet into a pair of loafers. I grabbed my phone and sighed when I glanced at the screen, then put it in my pocket.
“You do that every time you look at your phone,” Jessie said, falling into step with me as I headed down the hall.
“I know.”
“Is that because Luca keeps texting you?”
“Yes.”
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened between the two of you?”
“No.”
When we got downstairs and out the front door, I stopped walking abruptly and muttered, “Good lord.” Jessie and Nana had been busy. They’d painted a rainbow all along the top of her formerly white limo, and a big, pink stripe down the side. “Did you intend that to look like a penis?” I asked as I indicated the stripe, which was rounded off in a really unfortunate way where it met the front fender.
“It doesn’t look like a penis,” Jessie said with an eye roll. “You just have a dirty mind.”
“The relative dirtiness or cleanliness of my mind has nothing to do with it,” I told him.
Nana came bustling out of the house just then, and exclaimed when she saw me, “Nicky! I don’t know what happened with you and that foxy Luca, but I’m glad you’ve left your room. A party’s just what you need to take your mind off your troubles!” I pulled up a not entirely convincing smile as I got in the rainbow penis car.
*****
It was a good thing I’d decided to go to my friend’s housewarming party, because Chance’s boyfriend Finn ended up proposing to him, and that turned into a spur-of-the-moment wedding, since pretty much all of their friends and family were already there. I was thrilled for my friend, who looked so happy and so in love as he said his vows. Finn looked just as love-struck. They’d taken in Chance’s kid brother and his boyfriend, and the wedding wasn’t just about two people coming together, it was about making a family. It was sweet and beautiful, and it helped take my mind off my troubles, at least for a while.
After the ceremony was over and while everyone else danced the night away, I went out the back door of their converted warehouse and pulled my phone from my pocket as a cool breeze off the bay stirred my hair. I took a drink from the cocktail I was holding (the latest of many), exhaled slowly and swiped my finger across the screen. I’d turned off the ringer, but I knew I had a bunch of messages from Luca, because there was a new one on my start screen every time I glanced at my phone. I decided I was drunk enough to finally face them.
The texts began two hours after I’d left the cliff house. I scrolled to the beginning and started to read. They were all along the same lines:
Nicky, I’m sorry.
I know I messed up by keeping that a secret, but I didn’t know how to tell you.
I never meant to hurt you.
I’m so sorry.
Nicky, please talk to me.
The messages went on and on like that, day after day after day. Aching sadness and a profound sense of loss overwhelmed me. It was all way more than I could deal with. I took a long drink from my cup as I pocketed my phone again, then sighed loudly.
“Don’t tell me, let me guess. Man troubles?”
I turned to look at whoever had spoken. Chance’s best friend, a thin, young guy named Zachary had come out of the back of the warehouse and was lighting a cigarette, the neck of a beer bottle between his fingers. I’d met him several times before and he was always friendly to me, if quiet. “How’d you know?”
“Only a man, and a really hot one, could make somebody sigh like that.” Zachary stopped a few feet from me, downwind so the smoke blew away from me and out into the night, and took a long drag on his cigarette before saying, “What did this one do to you?”
“He lied.”
“I hate that. He turned out to be married, right?”
“No.”
“Cheating on his boyfriend?”
“No, that was my last relationship.”
“Bummer. So, what did this one lie about?”
I turned toward Zachary and took a good look at him in the light from a string of white bulbs illuminating the patio. He’d looked really emo when he first arrived at the party, but then when the wedding started coming together, he’d gone and changed and styled his dark hair differently, so he now looked…well, like me, kind of buttoned-down and preppy. It seemed he was a bit of a chameleon. “I can’t really talk about it,” I said.