All I Believe (Firsts and Forever, #10)(46)

Ignacio turned to look at me. “This I don’t know, only that he can’t stop talking about you and wanted to see you.”

“Could you keep your eyes on the road, please?” I asked, clutching the doorframe with one hand and the Chihuahua with the other.


He grinned and faced forward again as he said, “I hardly ever crash. You don’t need to worry.”

“Hardly ever. Good to know.”

We traveled north, out of the city center, and eventually we reached a ramshackle church near the river. Ignacio parked the car and plucked Diego Rivera from my hands as he said, “Go on in, he’ll be so happy to see you. I’ll take the dog for a walk to give you two a little time.”

“What is this place?” I asked as I climbed out of the Fiat.

“It’s my studio, and home for now.”

“Is it condemned and about to be leveled with a wrecking ball? Or is it just going to collapse in on itself without any help?”

He shrugged and said, “It’s stood for a hundred and seventy years, it’ll stand for a few more.”

I went in through a heavy, wooden side door, and emerged into a wide-open space with high ceilings. The plaster was crumbling and the pews and altar were long gone, but it still had that feeling that all old churches had, a kind of quiet somberness. Long extension cords snaked across the worn wood floor, leading to tall, portable lights that gave it the feeling of a movie set. Half a dozen easels were set up around the edges of the room, and the smell of oil paint and linseed oil hung in the air.

A door opened to the left of where the altar would have been, and Luca stepped out. My heart leapt at the sight of him. He was barefoot, hadn’t shaved in days, his hair was tousled and his faded jeans and white button-down shirt looked like they’d been slept in. To me, he looked more beautiful than ever, more real and vulnerable somehow, compared to his usual perfect exterior.

When he saw me, his face lit up and he rushed over and grabbed me in an embrace. “Nico,” he murmured, burying his face in my hair, “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” I had a million questions, but nothing was more important right then than holding him, touching him, breathing in his clean, familiar scent. My lips found his and I tasted his mouth, his whiskers coarse but oddly appealing against my skin. I caressed his face, his hair, and when he pulled back to look in my eyes, I ran a fingertip over his full lips.

“My beautiful Nico,” he whispered. I liked the fact that he called me his, probably more than I should have. He kissed me again and I let my eyes slide shut. God it felt good to be in his arms. It felt like I was exactly where I belonged.

He told me, “I’m so f*cking sorry that I had to break our plans and run off on short notice.”

“What happened?”

Luca put his head on my shoulder and said, “If I asked you to trust me and said I couldn’t talk about it, would you be willing to just leave it at that?”

“I can try, but you should know trust doesn’t come easily to me these days.”

“I know. I get that I’m asking a lot here.”

“I’m worried about you. Something big is obviously going on in your life and I want to help, but you’re shutting me out.”

“I’m sorry, Nicky.”

I was quiet for a few moments, filtering through the hundred questions I had cued up, and finally distilled them down to one. “Who were you arguing with in front of the hotel in Viladembursa, right before you took off?”

“That was my brother Andreo. I didn’t realize you saw me.”

“So, this is family-related.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, that’s all I need to know.”

“Really?”

I nodded and said, “I wanted to have a general idea of what you were dealing with for my own peace of mind, and now I do. I won’t press you for details. Whatever’s going on is your business, not mine.”

Luca kissed my cheek and whispered, “Thank you for being far more understanding than I deserve.”

He led me over to an old, overstuffed couch that was against one wall, and pushed aside a rumpled blanket and a couple pillows before sinking into it and pulling me down with him. I nuzzled his shoulder and balled up his shirt in my hands as I clutched him to me and he held me tight. There was no such thing as playing it cool with Luca, not when it felt so incredibly good to be in his arms.

“I know this sounds pathetic,” I whispered after a while, “but please don’t hurt me. You have me right in the palm of your hand, Luca, and it would take so little to break me. Please don’t make me regret trusting you.”

He wrapped himself around me like a shell. “The last thing I want is to hurt you, Nicky, and I promise you I’m not seeing anyone else. You’re what I want, only you. In case you’re wondering, Ignacio is just a friend. I met him when I returned to Rome, and he’s been very kind to me. He’s even letting me stay here while I get a few things sorted out.”


“Are you…never mind.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t going to ask any more questions, but I forgot for a moment and almost asked if you were hiding from your family. That’s none of my business, though.”

“I don’t know if I’m hiding, exactly. I’m definitely avoiding them. I’m furious with my brother, and I have no interest in another confrontation with him. Ignacio’s place is completely off Andreo’s radar, which is why I’m staying here. My brother and I need some time to cool down, before we say or do something we can’t take back.”