Against the Odds (Fighting to Survive #2)(4)

That’s enough for me to buy the entire stock of stuffed animals for Jamie, if she were to ask me. It’s so hard to say no to her. I pick her up and carry her to the register and pay for her new purchase. Jamie runs into the house to show her momma her new toy. It’s not just a toy, but her new family member. I know from past experiences that this new stuffed animal will be with us as a family twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week.

I look on the bench, at the foot of the bed and sure enough, there sits Jack. Jamie’s beloved stuffed animal with big pink floppy ears. He doesn’t look new anymore but resembles more of a rag doll, instead.

I remember the day she told me to take care of Jack for her.

“Daddy, I have to go.”

“Jamie, stay, I need to make sure you are all right. We had an accident.”

“Daddy, I need to go. I love you and mommy so much.”

“Where are you going?” I try to open my eyes, but they refuse to open.

“I need to go with grandma. Daddy, it is so pretty, and you should see all the pretty flowers.”

“Jamie, don’t leave me, I love you,” I cry.

“I love you, too, Daddy. Grandma is waiting for me. Take care of Jack for me.”

Jack is now dirty and he no longer smells of Jamie. Leah and I couldn’t bring ourselves to wash him. Not after the accident and not now. I stare and Jack and I hold Leah as I pray for the best possible outcome there is.

Leah stirs and I still. I close my eyes to appear to be sleeping. Leah doesn’t say anything and she doesn’t move anymore either. I open one eye and she is watching me. “I knew you weren’t asleep. I close my eyes and fake a snore. She tosses a pillow at me and begins to laugh. Opening my eyes, I have to laugh, too.

“Why do you do that?” she asks.

“Because you’re funny.”

“No, not laugh. Why do you act like you’re sleeping when you aren’t?”

“I was sleeping.” Not just now, but I was sleeping last night, I think to myself to justify my lie to Leah.

“Stop it, you’re a terrible liar.”

I watch with a smile as my wife struggles to get out of bed. Our baby is growing and it is making it difficult for Leah to maneuver around. “Don’t smile, you’re carrying the next one,” she says as she walks to the restroom. I cringe at just the thought. I get out of bed and lay Leah’s robe on the bench for her. I pick up Jack, Jamie’s stuffed animal and take him to the kitchen with me.

I start breakfast and make Leah some hot tea. She walks into the room wearing her robe I laid out for her.

“What are you doing with Jack?”

I look at her and then the dingy stuffed rabbit.

“I think he needs a bath. He looks dirty,” I say.

“I noticed that the other day. Maybe I can handwash him, I’m not sure he’ll survive a wash in the washing machine.”

“That’s a good idea. Let’s not take a chance on it.”

After breakfast, Leah takes a bath. I go downstairs and work out. I’m not sure how I can keep up the positive attitude. This waiting game is killing me.


As soon as I think Leah is done, I shower and go upstairs. I find Jack is washed and is sitting on the kitchen counter, drying, I walk upstairs and I’m not surprised when I find her in Jamie’s room. The ballerina music box is playing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Leah is holding it and singing softly to the music. She is wearing a white robe and her hair is up in a white towel. I cross my arms and lean into the doorframe and watch. Leah wipes her tears and continues to sing. I wish there were something I could say or do, but there isn’t. I wish I could take away her pain, but I can’t. I just pray that God protects Leah and watches over her for the both of us. It’s completely out of my hands.

Leah

When the song is finished, I close up the music box and set it back on Jamie’s dresser. Robert is dressed and leaning into the door frame of Jamie’s room. I wipe my tears and say, “I’m trying to hold it together, I really am.”

He smiles sadly and walks slowly to me. “I know you are.” Robert holds me tightly and I melt into him.

“I feel like I’m losing it. I feel like I just want to lie down and…”

“Leah, no! Don’t say it. God, please don’t say it.”

I don’t. Robert doesn’t need to hear my dark thoughts. He removes the towel from my head and kisses my head. “God, I love you. I love you so much. Leah, I can’t live without you. I never want to live without you.” He holds me close and I can feel his own fears.

I wrap my arms around him and let him hold me. I fight the black cloud that hovers and I fight to be strong for Robert.

I force myself to do my hair and my makeup. I want to go back to bed and sleep. Sleep until this nightmare passes, but I don’t. Robert keeps his phone close by just in case, our attorney, Bruce calls. How long will it take for the hospital to contact him? The baby moves a lot today and I wonder if he’s not upset. I try to calm myself and think positive thoughts.

“Do you want to go for a car ride?” Robert asks. When I was a child, my parents and I always went on car rides. It’s when you get in the car and drive to no set destination. You just ride until you’re done. Once, as an adult, we drove to the Amish country, went to an auction and then went out of state to a casino. It is one of my fondest memories.