A Whole New Crowd(84)

“I don’t really care about your friends or your boyfriend. I just want you to be surrounded by good people. That’s all.”
“I know and I’m trying that. Devon’s emailed and called my phone every day. I haven’t taken him back.”
“Good.”
At hearing that, a small grin appeared. Then she ducked her head back down, stuffing her hands underneath her legs so she was sitting on them. Her feet started kicking at the floor. “As for Amber and Jennica, I love my friends. I mean, I’ve done some bad stuff too. Who am I to not give second chances?”
“You weren’t hurting anyone.”
“I was hurting myself.”
“Yeah and from how I see it, those two have only hurt you.”
Her feet stopped. She looked back. Tears were swimming in her eyelids. They were right there, ready to fall. One did and she brushed at it with the back of her hand. “I have to try, Taryn. I’m not as strong as you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t need people. I do. I need family and friends. I need to be able to forgive and hope that people will be there for me in the end.” She shook her head. “I’m not like you.”
“I need people too.”
“No, you don’t. You never talked to me about Brian. If you needed someone, I would’ve thought a sister would be that person.” A second tear slid down. “You never said a word. I had to find out everything from Austin. You didn’t tell me about my parents and your adoption, either. No one did. Austin just told me that shit was messed up. I hoped you would come to the family sessions too, but nothing.”
The truth had been kept from her, and I was one of the people who did that. “I’m sorry, Mandy. I didn’t keep it from you on purpose, I just…I don’t know what I was thinking. I haven't been myself lately.” I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right time. Did I even have the right to ask now? “Why didn’t you come to see me last night?”
“I was going to, but Mom said not to. She saw you at the school and it didn’t go well. Then I decided to come anyway, but Amber and Jennica showed up. It was late when they left and,” she hesitated, pausing briefly, “I didn’t know if you wanted me to come or not. Austin told me to go. He said I was being a *, but,” she rolled her eyes as a small grin escaped, “he’s not scared of you like I am.”
“Scared?”
“I feel like I disappointed you.” She stopped, closed her eyes. “Man, I’ve been holding that in for a long time. I think, since you confronted me and drove me to rehab, that I disappointed you.” A small and bitter-sounding laugh came from her. “Why didn’t I feel like that with my own parents, but I did with you?”
“I don’t know.” My chest had been tight since we left the patio. At hearing her last confession, some of the tightness loosened. I had five massive knots tangled up inside of me and I had four more to loosen. “Let’s not analyze that. I can’t handle feeling any more right now.”
She grinned, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Too much with Brian’s death?”
I nodded. I really didn’t want to talk about him. Or Jace. I shook my head. “I’m not keeping things from you. It’s just that it’s so damn painful to even think about it, much less talk about it.”
Her eyebrows furrowed together and her lips pressed together. “You’ve been staying with Tray this whole time?”
“Since I took you to rehab. It didn’t feel right staying at the house. I felt like I was going against what your parents wanted.”
“You were right. They wouldn’t have taken me to a rehab, or at least not to that one. I would’ve gone to some nice plush one where they wouldn’t have pressed me that hard. My dad would’ve told them to treat me like I was a soft princess. The one you took me to—”
“Is good.” I finished for her. “I took Brian there. He needed a place that’s like that. They don’t bullshit around.”
“No.” She laughed. “They don’t, but that’s what I needed. And I think I was tired of lying to everyone. Thank you, Taryn.”
I was struck speechless.
There were tears in her eyes, but as she smiled at me, I didn’t think they were the bad kind. She said again, “Thank you.”
I nodded. “Yeah.” My voice was hoarse and that was all I could get out.
“Did you go to the funeral?”
I shook my head. My throat stung. “No. From what I was told, the funeral was kept private. I wasn’t invited.”