A Thousand Boy Kisses(45)

“I know,” I said, holding her closer.

“It didn’t work.”

“No,” I agreed, then pressed a kiss on her head. When she looked up at me, I brushed the tears off her face.

“What now?” she asked.

“What do you want to happen now?”

Poppy sighed and looked up at me through determined eyes. “I want the old Rune back.” My stomach sank and I edged backward. Poppy stopped me. “Rune—”

“I’m not the old Rune. I’m not sure I ever will be again.” I dropped my head, but then forced myself to face her. “I still want you the same, Poppymin, even if you don’t want me.”

“Rune,” she whispered, “I’ve just got you back. I don’t know this new you. My mind is foggy. I never expected to have you with me through this. I’m … I’m confused.” She squeezed my hand. “But at the same time, I feel full with new life. With the promise of us again. With knowing that, for at least the time I have left, I get to have you.” Her words danced in the air, as she asked nervously, “Don’t I?”

I ran my finger down her cheek. “Poppymin, you have me. You’ll always have me.” I cleared the lump in my throat and added, “I might be different from the boy you knew, but I’m yours.” I smirked, without humor. “Forever always.”

Poppy’s eyes softened. She nudged my shoulder then laid her head on it.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

I held her close, as tight as I could. “Christ, I’m sorry, Poppy. I don’t…” I couldn’t finish my words. But Poppy waited patiently until I dropped my head and continued. “I don’t how you’re not breaking apart with all this. I don’t know how you’re not…” I sighed. “I just don’t know how you’re finding the strength to keep going.”

“Because I love life.” She shrugged. “I always have.”

I felt like I was seeing a new side to Poppy. Or maybe I was being reminded of the girl I always knew she’d grow up to be.

Poppy gestured to the sky. “I’m the girl who wakes up early to watch the sunrise. I’m the girl who wants to see the good in everyone, the one who is taken away by a song, inspired by art.” Turning to me, she smiled. “I’m that girl, Rune. The one who waits out the storm simply to catch a glimpse of a rainbow. Why be miserable when you can be happy? It’s an obvious choice to me.”

I brought her hand up to my mouth and kissed the back of her hand. Her breathing changed, the tempo racing to double speed. Then Poppy pulled our joined hands to her mouth, twisting them so she could kiss my hand. She lowered them to her lap, tracing small patterns on my skin with the index finger of her free hand. My heart melted when I realized what she was drawing—infinity signs. Perfect figure eights.

“I know what lies ahead for me, Rune. I’m not na?ve. But I also have a strong faith that there’s more to life than what we have right now, here, on this Earth. I believe that heaven awaits me. I believe that when I take my last breath and close my eyes in this life, I’ll awake in the next, healthy and at peace. I believe this with my whole heart.”

“Poppy,” I rasped, tearing apart inside at the thought of losing her, but so damn proud of her strength. She amazed me.

Poppy’s finger dropped from our hands and she smiled at me, not a hint of fear on her beautiful face. “It’ll be okay, Rune. I promise.”

“I’m not sure I’ll be okay without you.” I didn’t want to make her feel bad, but this was my truth.

“You will,” she said confidently. “Because I have faith in you.”

I didn’t say anything in response. What could I say?

Poppy looked at the bare trees around us. “I can’t wait for them to bloom again. I miss the sight of pretty pink petals. I miss walking into this grove and feeling like I’m stepping into a dream.” She lifted her hand and trailed it along a low-hanging branch.

Poppy flashed me an excited smile, then jumped to her feet, her hair blowing freely in the wind. She stepped onto the grass and stretched her hands into the air. Her head tipped back and she laughed. A laugh that ripped from her throat with pure abandon.

I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I was transfixed. My eyes refused to move away from watching Poppy as she began to turn, spinning as the wind blew through the grove, her laughter drifting on the wind.

A dream, I thought. She was right. Poppy, bundled up in her coat, spinning in the early-morning grove, looked exactly like a dream.

She was like a bird: at its most beautiful when flying free.

“Can you feel it, Rune?” she asked, her eyes still closed as she soaked up the warming sun.

“What?” I asked, finding my voice.

“Life!” she called, laughing harder as the wind changed direction, almost knocking her off her feet. “Life,” she said quietly, as she grew still, rooting her feet in the dry grass. Her skin was flushed and her cheeks wind-burned. Yet she’d never looked more beautiful.

My fingers twitched. When I glanced down I immediately knew why. The urge to capture Poppy on film gnawed inside me. A natural urge. Poppy had once told me I was born with it.

“I wish, Rune,” Poppy said, causing me to glance up, “I wish that people realized how this felt every day. Why does it take a life ending to learn how to cherish each day? Why must we wait until we run out of time to start to accomplish all that we dreamed, when once we had all the time in the world? Why don’t we look at the person we love the most like it’s the last time we will ever see them? Because if we did, life would be so vibrant. Life would be so truly and completely lived.”