A Thousand Boy Kisses(41)

“I’m seventeen,” I continued. Poppy’s eyes snapped to mine.

Her face had paled. “Oh,” she said, and I could hear every hint of pain in that tiny word. “So what I feared is true. You have been with others, intimately … like you were with me. I … I just…”

Poppy moved to the edge of the bed, but I reached out and caught her retreating wrist. “Why does it matter?” I demanded, and saw her eyes glisten with tears.

The anger within me dimmed slightly, but it came back as I thought of those lost years. Years I’d spent drinking and partying away my pain, while Poppy was sick. It almost made me shake with rage.

“I don’t know,” Poppy said, then shook her head. “That was a lie. Because I do know. It’s because you’re mine. And despite it all, all the things that have happened between us, I kept a vain hope that you would keep your promise. That it meant that much to you too. Despite everything.”

I dropped my hand from her wrist, and Poppy got to her feet. She headed for her door. Just as she reached for the doorknob, I said quietly, “It did.”

Poppy froze, her back bunched. “What?”

She didn’t turn. Instead, I got to my feet and walked to where she stood. I leaned down, making sure that she would hear my confession. My breath blew her hair from her ear, as I said, so quietly I could barely hear myself, “The promise did mean as much to me. You meant that much to me … you still do. Somewhere, underneath all this anger … there’s you and only you. It will always be that way for me.” Poppy still hadn’t moved. I drew in closer. “Forever always.”

She turned, until our chests were touching and her green eyes were staring into mine. “You … I don’t understand,” she said.

I slowly lifted my hand and pushed it through her hair. Poppy’s eyes fluttered to a close as I did so, but they opened again to watch me. “I kept my promise,” I admitted and watched the shock cross her face.

She shook her head. “But I saw … you kissed—”

“I kept my promise,” I interrupted. “Since the day I left you, I haven’t kissed anyone else. My lips are still yours. There’s never been anyone else. There never will be.”

Poppy’s mouth opened, then closed. When it opened again, she said, “But you and Avery…”

My jaw clenched. “I knew you were near. I was pissed. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me.” Poppy shook her head in disbelief. I stepped closer still. “I knew seeing me with Avery would do that to you. So I sat beside her and waited until you appeared. I wanted you to believe that I was about to kiss her … until I saw your face. Until I saw you run from the room. Until I couldn’t stand seeing the pain I’d caused.”

Tears spilled down Poppy’s cheeks. “Why would you do that? Rune, you wouldn’t—”

“I would and I did,” I said, curtly.

“Why?” she whispered.

I smiled humorlessly. “Because you’re right. I’m not the boy you knew. I was filled with so much anger when I was taken from you, that after a while, it was the only thing I felt. I tried to hide it when we talked, fought against it, knowing I still had you with me even if we were thousands of miles apart. But when you cut me off, I didn’t care anymore. I let it consume me. It has consumed me so much since then that it has become me.” I reached down for Poppy’s hand and brought it over my chest.

“I’m half a heart. This, who I am now, was due to a life devoid of you. This darkness, this anger, was born from you not being by my side. Poppymin. My adventurer. My girl.” And then the pain returned. For that brief few minutes, I had forgotten our new reality. “And now,” I said through gritted teeth, “now you tell me you’re leaving me for good. I…” I choked on my words.

“Rune,” Poppy murmured, and threw herself into my arms, wrapping hers tightly around my waist.

Instantly, my arms locked around her like a vise. As her body melted into mine, I breathed. I breathed the first clean breath in a long while. Then it became restricted, strangled, when I said, “I can’t lose you, Poppymin. I can’t. I can’t let you go. I can’t live without you. You’re my forever always. You’re meant to walk beside me through this life. You need me and I need you. That’s all there is to it.” I felt her shaking in my arms. “I won’t be able to let you go. Because wherever you go, I have to go too. I’ve tried living without you, it doesn’t work.”

Slowly, and as carefully as she could, Poppy lifted her head, separating our bodies just enough to look at me and whisper brokenly, “I can’t take you with me where I’m going.”

As her words sunk in, I stumbled back, freeing my arms from around her waist. I didn’t stop until I sat down on the edge of the bed. I couldn’t handle it. How the hell do I deal with all of this?

I couldn’t understand how Poppy could be so strong.

How did she face this death sentence with such dignity? All I wanted to do was curse at the world, to destroy everything in my path.

My head fell forward. And I cried. I cried tears that I didn’t realize I had left. It was my reserve, the last wave of the devastation I was feeling. The tears that acknowledged the truth I didn’t want to accept.

That Poppymin was dying.