A Thousand Boy Kisses(35)

At that moment, I hated myself. Because that look in his eyes, that haunted, gutting stare, was the reason I had broken my promise to him two years ago.

It was why I’d had to set him free.

As it turned out, I had only imprisoned him with bars of rage instead.

“Poppy…,” he whispered, accent heavy, as his face paled to the whitest of white.

“I have Hodgkin lymphoma. It’s advanced. And it’s terminal.” My voice trembled as I added, “I have a matter of months left to live, Rune. There’s nothing anyone can do.”

I waited. I waited to see what Rune had to say, but he said nothing. Instead, he backed away. His eyes traveled over my face, searching for any sign of deception. When none was found, he shook his head. A soundless “no” left his mouth. Then he ran. He turned his back on me, and he ran.

It was many minutes before I found the strength to move.

It was ten minutes after that when I walked through the door of my house, where my mama and daddy were sitting with the Kristiansens.

But it was only seconds after seeing me when my mama rushed to where I stood, and I fell into her arms.

Where I broke my heart for the heart I’d just broken.

The one I’d always strived to save.





Rune



I’M DYING … I’m dying … dying … I have Hodgkin lymphoma. It’s advanced. And it’s terminal … I have a matter of months left to live, Rune. There’s nothing anyone can do…

I sprinted through the darkness of the park as Poppy’s words circled around and around my mind. I’M DYING … I’m dying … dying … I have a matter of months left to live, Rune. There’s nothing anyone can do…

Pain, the like of which I never knew was possible, pierced my heart. It sliced, stabbed and throbbed away at me until my feet skidded to a stop and I fell to my knees. I tried to breathe, but the pain had barely just begun, moving to rip through my lungs until nothing was left. It traveled with lightning speed through my body, taking all, until only pain remained.

I’d been wrong. I’d been so wrong.

I had thought that Poppy cutting me off for two years was the greatest pain I would ever have to endure. It had changed me, fundamentally changed me. Being broken up, simply being frozen out hurt … but this … this…

Falling forward, crippled by the pain in my stomach, I roared into the darkness of the empty park. My hands scratched at the hard earth beneath my palms, twigs slicing at my fingers, ripping up my nails.

But I welcomed it. This pain I could cope with, but the pain inside…

Poppy’s face flashed into my mind’s eye. Her perfect damn face as she entered the den tonight. Her smiling face finding Ruby and Deacon, and that smile fading from her lips when her eyes found mine. I saw the devastation flash across her face when she saw Avery sitting beside me, my arm around her shoulders.

What she hadn’t seen was me watching her from the kitchen window as she sat outside with Jorie. She hadn’t seen me arrive when I’d never planned to be there in the first place. When Judson texted me that Poppy had arrived, nothing could hold me back.

She’d ignored me. From the minute I saw her in the hallway last week, she’d never said a word to me.

And it killed me.

I thought when I came back to Blossom Grove there would be answers. I thought I’d discover why she pulled away.

I choked on a strangled sob. I never, ever, in my wildest dreams, thought it could be anything like this. Because it’s Poppy. Poppymin. My Poppy.

She couldn’t die.

She couldn’t leave me behind.

She couldn’t leave any of us behind.

Nothing made sense if she wasn’t around. She had more life to live. She was meant to be with me for eternity.

Poppy and Rune for infinity.

Forever always.

Months? I couldn’t … she couldn’t…

My body shook as another raw bellow ripped from my throat, the feeling of this pain no less than if I were being hung, drawn and quartered.

Tears fell freely down my face, pouring on to the dried dirt below my hands. My body was stuck in place, my legs refused to move.

I didn’t know what to do. What the hell was there to do? How did you get past not being able to help?

Tipping my head back to the star-filled sky, I closed my eyes. “Poppy,” I whispered, as the salt from my tears forced its way into my mouth. “Poppymin,” I murmured again, my endearment fading to nothing on the breeze.

In my mind I saw Poppy’s green eyes, as real as if she was sitting in front of me … I have a matter of months left to live, Rune. There’s nothing anyone can do…

This time my cries didn’t clog in my throat. They were freed and they were many. My body shuddered with the force of them when I thought of what she must have gone through. Without me. Without me beside her, holding her hand. Without me kissing her head. Without me holding her in my arms when she was sad, when the treatment made her weak. I thought of her facing all of that pain with only half a heart. Half of her soul struggling to cope without its counterpart.

Mine.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat in the park. It felt like forever until I was able to stand. And as I walked, I felt like an imposter in my own body. Like I was trapped in a nightmare, and when I woke up I would be fifteen again. None of this would be happening. I would wake up in the blossom grove under our favorite tree, with Poppymin in my arms. She’d laugh at me when I woke up, pulling my arm tighter around her waist. She’d tip up her head, and I’d lower my head for a kiss.