A Guide to Being Just Friends(99)

He laughed, reached out to take her hands. “You make me laugh. You call me on things when I don’t make any sense. You have the most amazing heart and work ethic of anyone I know. You’re not afraid to reflect, to dig deep and see what you can do to make the world around you better. You not only started over but you flourished. You’ve changed me.”

Tears pushed. “I wasn’t trying to. People shouldn’t have to change for love.” Though, maybe they changed because of it.

Wes scooted closer, his knees going on the outside of hers. “That’s not entirely true. I mean, isn’t that what life is? Growing, changing, making the effort to be better? To be more? To realize the ways we’re preventing our own happiness?”

She shrugged. “I guess.”

“When I hit a wall in my coding, I have to go around, under, over, basically tearing apart every step I made to see which one was wrong. When I did that to myself, when I pulled apart my mistakes, trying to figure out where I went wrong so I could stop feeling so lost, so empty, without you, I figured it out. I thought by controlling my feelings, by refusing to say the words, there was no way to fail. I was stupid enough to believe that not saying the words meant I could stop myself from feeling them. I was so sure I could chart the course of my future without being hurt. The irony is, I put up a roadblock in my head and around my heart, refusing to admit to being in love because I told myself that way, nothing could hurt me. I thought there was nothing more terrifying than falling in love with you. Than having my heart in your hands.”

She pulled her hands back, set them flat on her thighs. “But?”

Wes held her gaze, his confident and sure. “But that’s nothing compared to how scared I am that you won’t forgive me, that you won’t believe I love you enough to fight for you, to change and grow. That I know now why people say those words. I know what they mean, at least to me.”

She blinked back the tears. “What do they mean?”

He nodded his head. “They mean I’m vulnerable. I run the risk of you hurting me or worse, me hurting you. But the reward of owning them, of telling you every single day that I love you, that I will always love you, well, that’s like nothing I’ve ever known. I want to weather hard times and argue over which version of Overboard is better. I want to spend my life with you, accepting you and loving you for exactly who you are. And nothing could be scarier than the thought that I’ve missed my chance. That I’m too late.”

She felt shaky. She spoke around the lump in her throat, the words wobbling a bit. “The first.”

“What?” The word came out gravelly.

“The first version is better. There’s no reason to argue about it.”

She saw the sheen in his gaze, or maybe it was a reflection of her own eyes. He took her hand again. “Okay. We’ll take that off the list. I agree to defer to your judgment on romantic comedies.”

She looked around, realized the song he’d chosen was on a loop. “Speaking of.”

He smiled like she’d given him a prize. “Every romance we watched had several things in common. Grand gestures in those movies need a soundtrack, a sufficiently changed hero, and proof that he’s seen the light. The funny thing is, I spent more time watching you than those movies. I might not have the romantic hero down but I know what makes you smile, I know who you are and who I am when I’m with you.”

A half laugh, half sob escaped. “What if you get scared again?”

Wes stood, pulled her against him, swaying softly to the music. “Have you ever noticed there’s always a dance scene, too?”

“Wes.” She wanted this but she had to be sure.

He pressed his forehead to hers. “Nothing seems as scary when you’re with me. I want you to feel the same about me. I want you to rely on me. Trust me. The truth is, I’m still scared. I like being able to predict the outcome, plan for it. But I couldn’t plan for you or the way you obliterated the walls around my heart. Go figure, the one thing I don’t plan turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I couldn’t have planned it but I’m willing to tell you and show you that I love you. If you want that. If you still want me. If you still love me.”

His gaze flashed with an uncertainty that squeezed her heart. She cupped his cheeks, surprised to feel a couple days’ growth against her palms. “I know you’re new to this but it doesn’t go away just like that. When you love someone, they’re part of you. It’s not something you can just turn off like a switch. That’s why it’s so hard when things are over.”

“I don’t want to be over.”

“Me neither,” she whispered.

“Does that mean you still…”

One tear slipped through. “Love you? Yes. I do. Of course I do.”

He laughed. “Thank God.”

Their kiss was soft but full of unspoken promises that Hailey held close to her heart. When she pulled back, she ran her hand over his cheek again.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without smoothly shaved skin.”

He pressed his hand against hers, holding it to his face. “I’ve been a bit preoccupied. I have something for you.”

Her body tensed, making him laugh. He kissed the tip of her nose. “Don’t worry, it’s not from Tiffany’s.”